Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her, and barely get to see her because of our work schedules… Only to see her there on a date. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML
Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML
Today, I met my online date at a café. As soon as I walked in, I walked straight up to the wrong person, and launched into a 2-minute ramble about how excited I was to finally meet him. He just blinked and said, “I’m married.” My actual date was sitting right behind me, albeit a similar but not as good looking man. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
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Top comments
JasonThorn 23
Textbook FAFO. I hope her lawyer goes for your cojones, OP.
d j mom 9
Forrest says ' stupid is as stupid does '. I hope you're wife gets everything. And if you're girlfriend doesn't know you're married, I hope she finds a real man.
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Comments (11)
BurnInDemonFire 39
I hope you get a paper cut between each of your fingers and toes, and permanent ED. Oh, and a huge alimony check.