Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
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Top comments
FrozenMusic 26
That's snot a bad dream. *waits for down votes*
YoloWhiteRSA 20
I nose exactly how you feel.
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Comments (22)
DannyDizzle 8
Be careful picking your nose in public you might bust a nut in your pants!
lambda_fml 40
Wat
ToxicTyrael 26
Super satisfying! What do you want more XD
worldclassrager 41
That's one strange pick for a dream...
Cow_Girl_Lilly 24
It broke my heart when I realize you're from the same state as me. 
Namenlos_fml 20
There is something oddly satisfying about that. It's like removing a big wad of earwax or popping a pimple. It's gross, sometimes painful, but oddly satisfying to have such a gross, irritating thing out of your body.
mattyiscool123 26
Your dreams must be really fun
Delta_0DST 12
Great Cesar's ballsack, that must've been a really big one. I'm willing to bet the reason you woke up was because part if your brain came out too. Right?