Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML
Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML
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Top comments
BlockOfRedStone 25
Well, those two words are practically synonyms, so I don't think it would have made much of a difference.
SubaruWRXSTI 16
You should ALWAYS proofread your resumé, at least twice.
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Comments (45)
AaLlIiYyAaHh 22
Autocorrect or Freudian slip?
sillymama 21
I'm gonna guess both. Lol. I was thinking auto-correct.
AaLlIiYyAaHh 22
A Freudian autocorrect
FoxOne_fml 12
Sorry OP, but if you can't bother to proofread your resume properly then you kinda deserved it..
WonderCupcakess 10
Well...Spell check IS important...especially on an resume...
persephone217 24
“A” is used before words starting in consonant sounds and “an” is used before words starting with vowel sounds. Spelling is just as important as grammar :)
False_Stupidity 42
Spell check isn't going to help here since both are valid and correctly spelt words.
Monica_J 7
spelt isn't a word. well it is, but not how you used it
DanielleinDC 34
Spellcheck won't catch if you put in the wrong word. If you write "torturing" when you mean "tutoring" or put in a possessive pronoun when there should be a contraction, that's still a word. This is why you should proofread, proofread again, and maybe have a friend you trust go over it.
pooldude 24
You ALWAYS proofread you resume!
Theguyinthedark 11
I guess the concept of proofreading is too complicated for some people.
band_geek 18
You really should go watch "The The Impotence of Proofreading" video on YouTube. Because if you let your computer correct all the misspelt words for you, you made a foolish move with (I'm quote the poem from that video here) "clit of the mouth". You should be checking all your work BEFORE you send it in. Haven't you learned anything from even English classes over the years in you high school career? If not for all those college courses?
caggybandicoot 34
I'm assuming you're a teacher - you should know to proofread! Hope you have some luck now that you've edited your CV.
RosaMaravillosa 10
that'd just hysterical. I can't stop laughing. I clicked both. because ydi you should have checked. buy also fyl because you're still unemployed.
Jenmic 16
If I were reading this I'd probably guess that either A: Was an unfortunate typo like in this FML or B: That this must a troll because I don't believe someone who actually tortures children would put that on their resume.
Axel5238 29
Always double check your papers and resumes. Auto correct as you found out will correct words, but unless you do a spelling and grammar check the word it picks may not fit. Even if you do a spelling and grammar check re-read it just to make sure. Try reading it out loud to see if it sounds right.