Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML
Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML
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Top comments
BlockOfRedStone 25
Well, those two words are practically synonyms, so I don't think it would have made much of a difference.
SubaruWRXSTI 16
You should ALWAYS proofread your resumé, at least twice.
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Comments (45)
Qandol 26
Well I guess you've been Tortured for a year due to that simple mistake.
BlockOfRedStone 25
Well, those two words are practically synonyms, so I don't think it would have made much of a difference.
heheitscece 16
I can't stop laughing at this comment no wonder why the two are spelled so similar..
childproofpizza 19
How could they be synonyms when they mean the exact same thing?
SubaruWRXSTI 16
You should ALWAYS proofread your resumé, at least twice.
mds9986 24
You should also have another person or five look at it for errors. A single typo can make it so the HR person throws it in the garbage immediately. It's too important.
WintressSoldier37 27
or 3x. just to be safe.
Dark_Cecilia 20
Did the employers really not realise it was a typo?
lui_pg 21
Would you as an employer take that chance? Plus it looks very unprofessional to have spelling mistakes on a résumé.
corky1992 33
The fact that the person didn't take the time to double check their resume for errors before applying for jobs is reason enough to not hire said person. Resumes should be professional and not have any typos, or grammatical errors.
lui_pg 21
Well it would probably have been worse if someone hired you with that resumé, they would have been left wondering why you haven't tortured any middle schoolers yet
TeraBaap 21
Being a tutor in this era, the only reason I can think of you being unemployed is that you weren't torturing them hard enough
ReallyFU 10
Roflmao!
corky1992 33
And this is why checking for errors is very important.
TheBiggerBoot 7
Re-reading is your friend OP, at least you caught it sooner rather than later.
lui_pg 21
I think a year may qualify as later
Le_ponderer 14
If you had "Torturing high school students" instead, I bet you would be been hired.