Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML
Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML
Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML
Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML
Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML
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Top comments
BlockOfRedStone 25
Well, those two words are practically synonyms, so I don't think it would have made much of a difference.
SubaruWRXSTI 16
You should ALWAYS proofread your resumé, at least twice.
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Comments (45)
kishmobile444 16
I'm so sorry this happened. I'm also sorry that I haven't laughed so hard reading am FML in a long while. Thank you for sharing. I doubt that was the actual reason no one hired you. people make mistakes. one like that is a great way for a potential employer to get a good laugh, then continue actually reading the rest. then bringing it up in the interview as an ice breaker or something. at least now you see it. keep the search up. don't be discouraged!
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
I very nearly wrote "pubic demonstrations" instead of "public demonstrations" on mine. Spell-checks don't catch these types of things. Luckily I had my wife proof-read it.