Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML
Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML
Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML
Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML
Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML
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Top comments
dweeds508 24
How would anyone deserve this??
hallix 21
Well, looks like you'll be skipping the sushi date for their anniversary.
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Comments (57)
twinkiefeets 17
This fml would have been better if op was eating a fish taco.
buckdharma 38
Oh my cod, eel... I can imagine her floundering about while he screams" wahoo." He's got no sole and I feel really shad for you.
KiddoKS 19
Your father is a cunning linguist!
zen1979 16
And NOT because he speaks a second language *wink wink*
jooyuschase 5
cunting linguist.
17This_Is_Me17 8
Well , your father's not ashamed .. I wonder if your mother was 'open' to this conversation ?
trbuson 11
At least the father didn't say anything about salads.
graceinsheepwear 34
Yeah, that would have tossed in a whole other yuuch factor.
lininnes 6
Damn, I was always wondering why mom asked dad how abt salmon for tonight dad said yes, yet there were no salmon served on dinner table. I think I just figure it out after this fml. FML
evan_7899 28
well at lease you didnt find out earlier in life... now you can tolerate it more
graceinsheepwear 34
Now that's funny!
brittyboo123 35
Gotta love your parents, ey?
perdix 31
#28, yep, it's one of the Ten Commandments.
MisterEx 28
Still pink after all these years? I would also like to apologize for the haunting image I just printed in your brain right this second.
perdix 31
Let's hope tossed salad wasn't also on the menu. You won't be able to ever eat salad, kiss your mom, or look at your dad's ass again.
graceinsheepwear 34
If the dad is already down there, I would think the salad being tossed is the mom's...
trbuson 11
#34 Never heard of 69?
graceinsheepwear 34
Of course, but he specifically referred to the mom's mouth and the dad's ass, and I was commenting on that.
trbuson 11
Both parties can be the recipient of a salad tossing. I just hope neither of them find any croutons.
perdix 31
#41, #42, it really could have been done either way. I was thinking since the dad grossed out the OP with "the other pink meat," it would have been worse if the mom chimed in about tossed salad. Let's just hope that tomorrow's breakfast doesn't feature Boston Pancakes.
graceinsheepwear 34
that's just so wrong...