Today, I was with my seven year-old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it. She loudly responded, "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
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Top comments
Lancerman7449 0
this fml makes no sense. its not like anyone in the store knew what she was talkin about.
shmoop 0
i honestly don't understand what this is talking about and why it's an FML...
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Comments (78)
besad_fml 0
My friend is a single child and her parents sleep in different rooms. She keeps praying that she'll have younger sister but she won't get one. We're 11 and i don't want to tell her how you get a baby. :/
YDIBITCHES 0
You're suposed to be 13or+ bitch
wassssssssom 0
jeez they're only eleven #47... but how did #16 get on fml if ur not 13+?
jgduplante 9
Just because they sleep in different rooms doesn't mean they'll never have sex...
Nakedsquirrel 5
Don't really see the FML, since there's not much to be embarassed about. No ******* in a marriage does suck though. Work on that.
Thespade_fml 0
#20 yessssssssssss And btw it would of been more embarsing if ur kid said it visa versa.
dedalus_fml 0
^ Can't someone at FML nix this s**thead?
guitarman78965 0
How is this an FML?!?!?!?!
Starchild21 3
Why do they have separate rooms? ______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Intoxicunt 6
No one said they did. A lot of unhappy couples have the pissed person sleep on the couch.
YDIBITCHES 0
Maybe the dad just works all day and comes back at midnight when the daughter is asleep and leaves early and has sex at night. Duhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CyclonePsycho 1
As I was reading this FML, I was hoping your daughter didn't say '******'.That was a pretty close guess, wasn't it?
CosmicPossum 2
Some couples have separate rooms because one's a light sleeper or snores loudly, or because of different work shifts, or for any other number of reasons. Edit: Err, this was supposed to be in response to #23.
whyowhy26 3
was thinking the same.
_electricbonbon 0
...what?
InfamyX13 0
Oooh need some ice for that burn? Lol sorry I had to say it though. Hmm if you two have seperate rooms then its fine. If you guys simply arent having sex or spending time together..FYL. Pretty much means somethings wrong in your marriage that should be fixed.
DameGreyWulf 1
Hmm... sounds like my parents.
xodsliceox 0
WOW. sounds exactly like my parents...they say they love each other...but yet...they never sleep in the same bedroom...rarely. FYL.