Today, at work, I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then showed up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost my wallet while out shopping. Panicked, I retraced my steps and found it at a store, turned in by an employee. Grateful, I opened it to find a note that read, "We left the money but took one dollar for karma." I checked. They did actually take one dollar. FML
Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and spent an hour tracking down the owner. When I finally returned it, he opened it, counted the cash in front of me, and asked if I was sure there hadn't been more money in it. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML
Today, I spent an hour looking for my wallet before leaving for work. I checked my jacket, bag, kitchen counter, and even the fridge for some reason. I finally gave up and took my spare card. At lunchtime, I reached into my coat pocket and found the wallet. I'd been wearing the coat the entire morning. FML
Today, I tore through my apartment looking for my wallet. I was late for work, sweating, panicking, and blaming the cat. After 45 minutes, I found it. In the fridge. Next to the cheese. No explanation. FML
Today, I found a wallet belonging to some guy, it had $355 inside. Because he had his address written inside, I decided to return it, hoping for a reward. I drove for 40 minutes and finally got to his house during peak hour. All he did was say, "Oh, cool." FML
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
Today, I dropped my wallet and it fell into the perfectly sized hole in the storm drain. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Poop usually comes FROM the asshole.
munkee_6669 0
looks like you're -takes off shades- dealing with a shitty situation. YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
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Comments (139)
rotaryvelocity 0
well did you do something to deserve that?
babyyappld 7
no body deserves to get their wallet stolen and shat in
marinus_fml 20
Not even Osama?
DevianceIsBliss 0
What about Hitler?
CitrusGirl 0
What about Glenn Beck?
marinus_fml 20
How about Ignorance? lolwutwhosaidthat :-)
ComMed1 0
How about Obama?
biass 0
How about Ash Ketchum?
6sick6 4
I think I deserve it :/
6sick6 4
lol, this is the second time I reply and get number 66 :)
RavenXRampage 1
Ash doesn't deserve that. Gary Motherfucking Oak on the other hand...
dudeitsdanny 10
Gary Motherfucking Oak doesn't receive shit, he is the shit. Don't get them confused. He's the Chuck Norris of the pokemanz world. Ash can eat shit.
elat4lolz 0
^win
b45678 0
How about Twilighters?
I_Ate_The_Cookie 0
What about Rebecca Black?!?!?:o
Fall3nAngel 23
wow that really sucks. oh well, free manure!! :D
ZleveL 0
:O yay! now you can have pretty flowers!
zeron 0
what?
KVloveBC 0
I'm sorry that's so sad!!
m311 6
YDI for sleeping with your boss' wife!
domolovesyoshi 33
How exactly do you know this, were you there? Are you psychic?
Quest_ 13
Poop usually comes FROM the asshole.
MrSassypants 34
ha ha. OP should send it back and say "From the asshole."
KVloveBC 0
lmao!! true!
WolfsGuns 0
lol @9, funny ;D
easwhitey 0
#8 that was a very classy comment...i tip my hat to you sir
suzuki2005 2
chin up, at least you got your wallet back lol
SoundnVasion 0
Are you sure it wasn't "From the asshole"?
JavIin 0
Winzor.
lemonypower 6
joke was already made
munkee_6669 0
looks like you're -takes off shades- dealing with a shitty situation. YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
PrincessRavishin 0
win!
marinus_fml 20
Not again!! I hate these shitty jokes.
ShadyFTW1 0
That wasn't even clever.
DocBastard 40
Marinus, the "shitty situation" jokes nearly made it into my rules. It was funny the first 3 times, faintly amusing the next 2, and now it's pedestrian and formulaic.
marinus_fml 20
Why, oh why did you take your rules down? They summed up FML in a fun and amusing piece of writing. On a side note, I feel honored to be on your list. Yea, I used to find shitty jokes pretty funny, along with sammich and soviet Russia jokes, but they do get boring, overused and annoying after a while. We gotta come up with a new funky craze!
RedPillSucks 33
We need an FML FAQ. You hear that, moderators??? FAQ Q!!!!! FAQ Q!!!!!
DocBastard 40
Marinus, I like to change things up to keep things interesting. I liked the rules too, and I still have them in my back pocket. Red, I'm secretly developing an unofficial FAQ. I'll probably get banned for it. You hear that mods? Come and get some!!
sherivengeance 3
hahaha, booya!
sourgirl101 29
FAQ "Q"? What does the extra Q stand for? For a moment, I thought RPS was talking to me. And look! I made DocBastard's like list too.(: (I did love your rules also. I wouldn't mind scrolling down to see it if you had it on the bottom.) Marinus, I like that phase "new funky craze".
DocBastard 40
sourgirl- say "FAQ Q" out loud three times fast. Get it now ;) The rules are not dead, just on vacation. They have been replaced by the new Unofficial FML FAQ. Oh, and I really love Justin Bieber.
sourgirl101 29
I got it. Funny!
DocBastard 40
Now the only question I have is, will the mod responsible for changing my comment to "I love Justin Bieber" admit to it? :)
funzcpl 0
yes. fyl.