Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML
Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML
Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
Today, I added the wrong reaction to a Facebook post, using the laughing smiley instead of the hug, and only noticed two hours later, when my friend wouldn't talk to me because she thought I like found the fact that her dog died funny. FML
Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML
Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
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Top comments
balest22 0
well that's okay. I mean how would u know that though. Every1 makes mistakes like that.
BADDiam 4
well all u can do is to delete that badass comment..
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Comments (165)
balest22 0
well that's okay. I mean how would u know that though. Every1 makes mistakes like that.
notsocrazee 0
either way poop isn't that funny.
uglyyness 0
how could you be so heartless? *turns off kanye west music* now, seriously though, you heartless dick.
bennetts211 2
You have to admit, it *is* relieving!
FarSide 23
If your dick has a heart, you got more problems
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
my dick doesn't have a heart either. shit
weewee1 0
you are what you eat
2cacrawf 0
you can always delete any comment you make on Facebook.. go delete it problem solved
BeautyMonster 17
74 - Who's going to delete it from everyones minds?
goldfingerrules 0
The guys from Men in Black
sandyandellie 5
60- lil Wayne does rock. haha.
Thunderbender 2
So did she have a poop??
zendaddy0 0
wait if guys think out their dicks is it rude to ask them to blow your mind?
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
or you could say she gave me a heart attack
hannahtaskey 9
your picture with that comment is perfect
almostalbino 10
It depends... everyone here is in the matrix right?
HaloReachIsCool 6
atleast you are not a dickless heart
Alex94xela 0
o.o dicks aren't supposed to have hearts? I should probably get it checked out. I thought it would help with the blood flow.
nitewlf12 10
Yeah. I mean everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. you know what I'm talking about cause everybody gets that way.
btown1616 0
facebook is gay period
OhSoBueno 0
18- I read the comment then looked at the picture then pictured Jim Carrey saying ****** with tape all around his face then I Lol'd...lol
wunderwaffe 0
why does patrick look like a pedo in that picture?
redshortsx 0
I love your pic #1!! (:
ichikibobivopula 0
18 no shed be a bitch
cryssycakesx3 23
1 OP would know that by taking a few moments to look at her previous posts instead of acting like a 4 year old and giggling at the word poop.
cherrybitches 6
this why you stop to think before saying something
toad396 0
fredom of speech birch suck a **** mofo
thetrollyoulike 6
how do u know
danielreader22 4
How do YOU know?
randiZ25 0
you " chicken in the hole."
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
haha ^
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
2-why would Op have to think about what she was saying in this circumstance?
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
this is FML not a group of consultant commentators that tell the OP what try should have done. try hell for that one buddy.
SunDropGirl 0
56 you just made me laugh so hard!!
BaconDave 12
It want really funny anyways.
carma813 0
56 - you're my hero.
fml98kevin 4
56, thats awesome :)
imthatguythatdid 0
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL @ 56
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
wow you guys are all just saying " good one 56 " because one person started saying that. I know this is gonna get thumbs down buy it's true.
Starfire22 5
Ok.. and?? Unless you're on Facebook every five seconds, it's not like you could've known what she was referring to... say sorry and get over it, no biggie!
Kikyou_fml 1
Good point.. this is why I read previous updates just in case. :P
TheRealTallGuy 3
just delete the comment.
cryssycakesx3 23
*or* the previous posts just show on your newsfeed.
BADDiam 4
well all u can do is to delete that badass comment..
BADDiam 4
how can my comment got a thumb down?isnt it a great idea ? :(
smurfsarwales 9
I thumbed it up :)
NomOnShroomz 14
The rest of the world doesn't really care.
cicinyc 7
Hahaha 18- that made my day:)
danielreader22 4
Well that's funny, OP. Because you are.
IIRoxieII 12
I would have liked your comment
NeatNit 33
Me too. In fact, as I read the FML for the first time, when I reached the "Ah, relief..." part, I couldn't think of anything but poop!
MrSassypants 34
36 I'll be your brain amd help you think of other things then relief and poop (that sounds weird). Okay here's a list of what else OP could've said (that was also funny comments): Masturbating, Holding a piss for a while and letting it out, and well actually there is only a few I can think of... hmmm.
dolphincheddar 10
the end portion of her monthly gift?
MrSassypants 34
63 yeah but I thought OP was a male then I looked and well... it doesn't say.
GuidoCheese 0
Op didn't know that his/her friend's dad was having heart surgery. However, that's really bad humor.
bjulie1998 5
I agree.
cryssycakesx3 23
however, if he read her posts he'd find out.
YoLauryn 0
Apologize!!!
MissMess 12
Just say you are sorry and you didnt know what she meant? Unless you are usually a disrespectful dick why would she have any problems accepting that?
iAmScrubs 19
Wow, OP? Why do you have to be such a chicken in the hole?
smurfsarwales 9
the only way for OP to get over this is to go play with his baby :D
pman590 8
Then go and high five someone!
pman590 8
Then go and high five someone!
uglyyness 0
how could someone throwing a tantrum give one a high five?
MrSassypants 34
32 other FML. 27 "Miss me high hit me low!"
k8izgr8_fml 0
32 was referring to another fml about the 16 yr olds tantrum. I mean, it wasn't funny but he still tried