Today, I have a broken nose because my girlfriend saw I got a text from a woman called Gemma. Gemma is the name of my ex, so she smashed me in the face with a full cereal bowl. Funny thing, Gemma is also the name of my boss, who was texting me about a work thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I tried to put a drinking glass on the top rack at the dish sink where I work, but lost my grip. The glass then fell into my coworker's face, the bridge of her nose to be exact. X-rays confirmed that I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friend's house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said, "Who is this? Stop texting me." FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, after convincing my now ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t cheating on her with a girl from work the other day, I accidentally called her by her name. They both start with “M”. Hello, single life. FML
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Top comments
Linda Graber 12
Dude. Get out now. Violence is a HUGE red flag. Good luck.
Anderling 33
Dude you need to run. That level of jealousy and anger issues is gonna end with you either dead in a ditch or wishing you were.
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Comments (12)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
She's after your Lucky Charms!