Today, my new boyfriend told me he was having a “swamp day”. Apparently, it’s a day where for some reason, no matter how thoroughly he wipes his ass, he will need to wipe it again every 30 minutes, as shit continually leaks out of him and turns his ass crack “swampy.” I think I threw up a little. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML
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Top comments
SJKatt 15
Dude needs to get checked out. That can't be comfortable and if it's a medical issue it could be just a symptom of something larger.
Hangryko 32
He needs to get checked out for rectal incontinence. Anal leakage shouldn't be that severe.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's done too much anal. That should make you throw up a lot.
SJKatt 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I've been really just trying to ignore you but holy ****, I hate you so much. I don't even think you're actually a straight up homophobe, either. I honestly believe that you go out of your way to say the thing in each FML you think will drive the most engagement. That's why I mostly just ignore you. But congrats, you did it, you said just enough inane bullshit to elicit response. Enjoy the dopamine hit, you goddamn troll.
WhataStrangeTripThisIs 24
Of course that's exactly what he's doing! It shouldn't take very long to figure that out. And he's Great at it, usually has something snarky to say that is not PC so somebody gonna be pissed. I find it very funny precisely Because he doesn't care about whining, and in fact has made an art of bringing out a reaction. Isn't this website supposed to be entertaining? I find it funny and cathartic!
RichardPencil 32
I am not a homophobe. I would have said the exact same thing if the swampy person were female.
SJKatt 15
Dude needs to get checked out. That can't be comfortable and if it's a medical issue it could be just a symptom of something larger.
RichardPencil 32
A larger asshole, most likely. That ought to help with your hatred, hater.
Yudith 28
Come on! Never heard about irritable bowel syndrome? Crohn's disease? Intestinal cancer?
Habacadavarus 12
Does shit actually leak, or is it just sweat mixing with that which remains. Wash your ass often, wipe thoroughly and a person will have fewer problems if this is the case.
Hangryko 32
He needs to get checked out for rectal incontinence. Anal leakage shouldn't be that severe.
SirEnigM0nk 22
What a pain in the ass. Best to get that checked out.