Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (234)
clownstotheleft 0
this has to be one of my favorite FMLs of all time. i'm still giggling just a little :)
Pastor_Rich 0
talk about a crappy experience
icedrake523 2
YDI for needing to read on the can.
lolsamzilla 0
I honestly cannot even get over this one. FYL DUDE.
ReginaFalange_fml 13
OP, that was worded.. just beautifully. thank u for that. perfect (im not being sarcastic i just really liked it especially how he added the last little comment)
Teh4thmusketteer 0
Hehe you totally made my day. I hope yours goes better XD
flyboy57 0
you should wear diapers.
extradorkyloser 4
I love the "nothing in my life has prepared me for this" part XD priceless! I'm sorry, but that was hilarious.... a true fml
neon_shoes 0
I couldn't agree with you more. This is expert writing, pure shakesphere.
Nakedsquirrel 5
You have my sympathies and support, comrade. Having sneezed and subsequently sharted, I know how it feels. I, too, was taken by surprise.
donjester 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHHAHh