Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
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Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
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Comments (234)
JStromberg 0
rofl
hellawagon 0
that is the greatest fml ever.
XScarlet 4
Agreed!! This is the best one I've read. Well written, funny and shitty (excuse the pun) at the same time.
Crazee108 3
the last line of that post made me giggle so hard. xD
GoTs 0
Totally agree. Thanks OP for making my day 10 times better :D
ishatmypants 0
its kinda like ishatmypants.com
ishatmypants 0
its just like ishatmypants.com
dabeachbum 0
the first part of it i just thought EWWWW but the last line just made me laugh so hard lol best fml ever
VegasFML 0
I laughed so hard that I almost shxt myself. FYL
Freeze_fml 17
I read this on my iPhone while using the toilet. This FML made me shit myself.
midorihoneybucke 0
****. nastyy
intint50 0
I have to say that nothing in my life has prepared me for the force of my amusement at this fml. pure poetry.
jo2ice 0
LMAO! this just made my day!
SeetaBeeta 0
#174 - hahaha stoopid :D
lizzilla8297 2
why were you looking for a book to read if you had to take a dump?
YANKSFAN4EVER 0
lol
YouCantBreakMe 9
to read on the toilet.
milana5532 4
omg your comment made me laughhhh!
zyperman43 19
#1 don't rofl, OP's crap is on the floor
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
Rach_star 0
Haha, agreed! Although it's pretty sick lol
metal8214 0
haha this is awesome :D
princess_ella 0
I agree hahaha one of the funniest fml's ever I literally loled
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
10_4Franky 0
So true.
DeadPixel4 29
"Glob of dung"
maximumoverdrive 0
maybe you shouldn't read in the bathroom
eb0ny 15
The FML is irrelevant to the fact he was looking for a book to read. He could've been plucking his nostril hairs and the same thing would've happened.
Pastor_Rich 0
you're up shit creek without a paddle
ROLLSROYCE 0
lol hope tht wasent a wet one xD
jackkerouc9 0
If you stop eating chipotle, you will be all set my friend.
Veritas143 0
No all you need is "Chipotlaway!"
shirvon100 0
its okay with chipoltaway!
rockyhorrorshow 0
Ah, if only he was blessed with a golden rectum.
Microbiologist 0
Not only am I reading this on the crapper, but I was horribly disappointed with that episode of Southpark. Woot funny FML
jondivey 9
golden rectum tee hee
Boxingsweets 0
Hahaha, thanks for brightening up my day. That was amusing! :D
perdix 31
I'm sure everyone in the library was disgusted, and then they laughed. Now, they have a story they'll tell for the rest of their lives!
perdix 31
And the men's rooms always smells of man-on-man love. What do the women's rooms smell like?
AndelleRae 9
I don't know, all the public ladies rooms 'round these parts smell like fruity pebbles. I'm not sure why.
perdix 31
AndelleRae, Men's restrooms at libraries specifically always have this odor that is different from any other public restroom. Once, I was at a Border's Bookstore and its men's room had that same smell. Wander into a men's room at a library and take a whiff. If there are men in there, getting raped will be the least of your worries.
missmasturah 0
Er, hello. He did NOT mention he was in a library, what are you on about?
perdix 31
These stories are limited to 300 characters. Not words, characters (including spaces). In order to have fun, some of us guess certain things that are not explicitly mentioned. Some of us think it's funny that he pooped in the library. If you can't handle that, tough.
HarperGirl 4
omg thank you, so annoying
jonnymohio 2
Keep a book in the bathroom so you don't waste time looking for something to read. Eat more fiber, so you don't have to sit there and wait for things to happen.
cryssycakesx3 23
I don't think he had to wait very long...