Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
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Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
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Comments (234)
lissn 0
I laughed. Sorry :P FYL
mycleverusername 0
If you had to take a dump then you should've been looking for a working toilet rather than a book. Also, I like how you refer to your shit as dung. I don't think I've ever heard that term used to describe human..err..excretions.
Jenmaree 9
FAKE - when you sneeze your pelvic floor muscles automatically activate meaning you can't crap yourself.
haneki_fml 0
I accept you
LeeJH 0
By amazing coincidence, I did almost the same thing about 2 minutes after reading this one. I've got liquids instead of solids at the moment, and when I tried to fart I realised that it seemed a bit wet. Luckily it didn't run down my leg though, so wasn't so hard to clean up.
hotissue 0
throw your carpet then
milkyourgoat 0
this is the best fml ever, really, laughed out loud xD
PhillyFox 0
Maybe you should've been looking for a toilet instead of a book if you had to go that bad. YDI
spectator 0
Florida? Depends.
loller_skates 0
i just want to say, that i created a FML account just to say how amazingly great this FML is. laugh out friggin' loud dude.