Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
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Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
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Comments (234)
Anonanimal 0
that's so disgusting. how do FML's like this get through
in_wonderland 1
uh...because it's FML. and fyl indeed, op! hahaha
lifeinhd 3
I moderated this one. I only let the ones I laugh at get through, and that last line sealed the deal.
ChronicFAIL 0
Because its ****** HILARIOUS! One of the best I've ever seen.. You would probably prefer the retarded FMLs. Search "candle". I'm sure you'd just LOVE those.
Haitch 0
At least it wasn't ended with "...in front of my fiancee and in-laws-to-be, boss, and every ex-girlfriend I've ever had." Unfortunate and a little funny, but man, could it have been worse!
radman 0
Rofl. Hilarious, but I hope it teaches you to keep a book in the bathroom or read the air freshener can like the rest of us.
Emperor_Jim 0
Ha ha, "Nothing in my life has prepared me for this". That sounds like a line from a movie trailer. NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE HAS PREPARED YOU FOR THIS. "THE SHITSTORM." IN THEATRES THIS SUMMER.
GreenHacker 0
lol. Thank you for that
jhines08 0
When does it hit theatres?? Midnight showing bitches!
Littlebrraatt 14
FOR THE WIN!!! omg hilariouse!
QJD 0
My leg is itchy now.
Captain_Jello 0
LMAO! niceeeeeeee
alwaysalady 0
I laughed till I had asthma. You win and fail dude.
klalalo 0
UNDERWEAR...
misspeg 0
YDI for still looking for a book when u had 2 go that bad.
the_stereotype 0
that last sentence made this FML ten times better, but after this, i can no longer say that nothing in my life has prepared me for the same scenario
sandwichbait 0
Ahhh good point. Now if this happens to us, we won't have an excuse.