Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
I would break up with her, go to the hospital, present her the bill, when she refuses to,pay, sue her in court.
Anderling 33
It’s only a prank if everyone can laugh about it afterwards. Damned if I know what this is
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Comments (13)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That is NOT funny and definitely not worthy of a prank. It's downright dangerous, honestly. I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like that could cause severe damage internally since it went inside you. I'd definitely talk to a doctor just to be on the safe side. And then decide if you want to keep someone like her around as your significant other.
Chiefanatic 2
What did you do? That’s the question my mother would ask if this happened to me. So what in the world did you do to make her do this? If you cheated, you would deserve it, in my opinion. If she just did this as a gag, I’d tell her payback most definitely will be a bitch!