Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I was at a party, and a cute girl in a skirt sat on my lap. We were flirting and I unfortunately got hard. She then stood up and yelled, "Are you getting hard? EW!" FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
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Top comments
HeyImPayton 0
"don't worry, it's just a pen"
morgan69_fml 0
Hahaha, that must've been awkward...
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Comments (265)
burnt_dildo 2
did it break?? (:
2ndSucks 15
You're kidding right?
HeyImPayton 0
Well, with a name like "burnt_dildo" of course they're serious...
leadman1989 16
But it can break... google is your friend. :)
ugottaluvme 0
Who googles broken dicks?
Saltime 0
Penile fracture. I learned about it during my the human sexuality course in my CALM class. My nuts hurt just thinking about it.
leadman1989 16
-_- I didn't google that I'm saying if you don't believe me that would be an excellent way to find out if it's true or not.
missmady 0
stop, boner time.
2ndSucks 15
Duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh, please touch this!
promarkchris 6
if you don't want to sound like a perv, google "fracture of the corpus cavernosum"
ShyAnn29 15
If he had a boner, and she landed on it hard, it could break.....I'm a girl and I still hurt thinking about that!
SimpleMinds_fml 7
Don't thumb down shit you don't know about. you can fracture or break your dick, it's not the same as breaking a bone. None the less, you can break it.
iamyourgod 3
It can break. Not like snapping a bone, but the tissue can tear.
CSRozell 4
yup
kikiluv 1
Well if a dick is hard then it can break it. He just has a sick mind though
2ndSucks 15
You miscalculated from your knee to your dick? Sure you didn't just want some doggy-style? You rascal. :)
atomicbaboon 0
He just wants to watch x-files.
samikitty961 8
oh dear... thats very awkward.
every1luvsboners 11
Is that spoon in your pic really that big, or are you really that small?
lerouxmaster 7
And if she's really that small, she's one of the most epic people I've ever seen.
samikitty961 8
yes im really that small. sort of like a human pony.
bizarre_ftw 22
I like that every1luvsboners commented on the boner FML and it was about a spoon
idontknowyou123 0
Friend with benefits?
gatorsfan100 1
Now were talkin!
iFizzgig 11
So what do YOU want for Christmas this year little girl? -Pervy Santa laugh-
deviable 9
Sure, you miscalculated. ;)
tragicnightmare 15
exactly my thoughts
Isaac_The_Great 0
I hate it when that happens...
pop7467 7
This happens often!?!
Cmdr_Shepard 17
What's up with all the FMLs about pitching tents lately? Is this "International Pop a Boner Week"??!
youcunthole 0
Every week is international pop a boner week
amnell4ever 3
Mass Effect!!!!!!!! You automatically win!!!!!
jaredofmo 22
So, you maintain a boner? Think it's safe to say, you're out of the friend zone.
every1luvsboners 11
Well now she knows that you have a functioning penis. Don't see how that's going to hurt you in the long run. You always gotta remember the tuck rule and always wear a belt, or tape it to your leg before you go out if it's that much of a problem.
omgcookeys 15
I like how your username suits this Fml perfectly.
omgcookeys 15
I like how your username suits this Fml perfectly.