Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I was at a party, and a cute girl in a skirt sat on my lap. We were flirting and I unfortunately got hard. She then stood up and yelled, "Are you getting hard? EW!" FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HeyImPayton 0
"don't worry, it's just a pen"
morgan69_fml 0
Hahaha, that must've been awkward...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (265)
jePomme 0
That would suck.
DynamicDave 11
Bet OP wishes his friend would!
upyourzlolz 11
Lap dance rape? That's new.
bizarre_ftw 22
No, no it's not.....
rainbowbigbird 7
Hmmmmm... Maybe it's time to see you can be more than friends now...? She knows how you feel ;)
sailorfreak_fml 4
you WANTED to put her in your KNEES but we all know you wanted her to FEEL your DICK instead ;3
leadman1989 16
Don't worry I hear people are really fond of boners!
rainbowbigbird 7
A hard man is good to find.
leadman1989 16
Yep I'm using that one... A LOT
theressarina 2
I wanted to put YDI, but I'm not sure you've actually deserved a little bit if a lapdance.
pppooppp 5
Me gusta
patzz12 0
What happened!?!?!? It's fate
CrazyManNo9 29
FTW?
DeeG12 0
Good ice breaker ;)