Pesky kids
Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they couldn't get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they couldn't get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my 4 year-old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML
Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML
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Top comments
FlyingLeumer 19
Looks like the yokes on you
BatmanPotato 13
I think the sprinkler idea was great, but kids always have other tactics. Try calling the cops to scare them.
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Comments (142)
FlyingLeumer 19
Looks like the yokes on you
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
That was so punny.
FlyingLeumer 19
That's the idea
Zebediabolical 45
It was almost punny. A yoke is something to which you hitch oxen in order to pull a plow or cart or whatever. A yolk is the yellow part of the egg. I'd have thumbed up if you'd picked the right word.
FlyingLeumer 19
Haha, I'm sorry, and admit my mistake...early mornings aren't good to me
\ 28
I guess OP egged them on...
jerryj 27
67, stop trying to poach all the attention
DanielleinDC 34
Or the yolk.
BatmanPotato 13
I think the sprinkler idea was great, but kids always have other tactics. Try calling the cops to scare them.
ViRepz 28
The OP is from the US. Just fire a gun off when you see them, that might work.
doodlecloud 27
I think it's a rude and childish idea. The kids are obviously annoying and wrong to harass OP but it's not exactly abnormal kid behaviour. You have to be the more mature one here - you are the adult after all. I'm sure there are other ways to deal with it, i.e. talk to parents, talk to kids themselves, just ignore them, police if really necessary. Reacting with a sprinkler is more likely to just rile them up and make them more determined to 'win'. They got a great reaction out of you so this is unlikely to stop any time soon.
Welshite 40
Ha! Ignoring the kids doesn't seem to have worked out well if they've been doing it for YEARS. Installing sprinklers is actually a very good passive aggressive deterrent. No harm comes to the kids, and it keeps them from reaching the doorbell. Man, if I had dared do something like that as a kid I would have been caught and pummeled by my victim with my family cheering them on. Then I would have been passed around the family adults for extra punishment. These kids got off easy.
FlyingLeumer 19
"Kops! This is boat thief"
XSimpleDesignX 18
#11 I'm pretty sure that would be considered a warning shot, which is illegal in a lot of places. Also in no way does a gun need to be used in this situation. You're just giving gun owners a bad name.
alycion 39
The outside cameras are cheap. I love mine. And the suggestion of giving the video to the cops is a good one. They have moved from annoying to destroying property. Most kids don't think of the damage that can do or how they could hurt someone. Getting a good scare and being held responsible for any damages is a good lesson. Of course, if you can identify them from the video, talking with their parents first may not be a bad way to go. But some will see this as a harmless they are only being kids prank and do nothing.
RedPillSucks 33
You do realize this is a humour web site, right?
1947Chevy 17
Warning shots in some places are required but you can only use a gun if you fear for your life
RrubiksCuber 6
Wow you guys are ridiculous #11 was making a failed attempt at a joke about Americans, and how we're not gun grabbing Fascists like he and his country probably are.
wvcheesehead 13
A paintball gun may be a better educational tool, if these kids do this to the wrong person, they could get filled with lead.
XSimpleDesignX 18
Name a place where it's legal. Warning shots have a potential to kill. Firing into the air can kill someone a mile or so away depending on a few factors. Discharging a firearm in any type of manner is considered leather force whether or not you injure someone. Just think about that.
KillSwitch96 18
@121 A warning shot can be fired at the ground as well. It does not necessarily have to be fired into the air. It can be fired in any direction that no one will be hurt by the projectile. The point of a warning shot is just to make known to an aggressor that you DO have a gun and you WILL use it if absolutely necessary,which means that even firing it into the ground would serve as a warning shot because firing it directly into the ground about 3 feet from the side of you has no chance of hurting someone.
bbambastic 16
Does anyone else hate it when you accidentally hit ydi?
FlyingLeumer 19
You can change it
bbambastic 16
From an iPhone? How?
FlyingLeumer 19
I'm coming from the iPad...is it different on the iPhone to where you can't just click on the other one to change it?
Rainhawk94 27
Apparently
Ian7890 23
i can vote for both ydi and fyl
yellowaholic 25
It will let me vote for both but I can never unclick it once it's been clicked. Sometimes I'm scrolling down and accidentally hit YDI for things that they really don't deserve and then I feel kind of bad but it happens.
JustKittyKat 24
Get a dog, perhaps? Or cameras to show them to the cops.
CrissyyyS2 22
The security cameras so you can record them and know which kids they are. Then try speaking to their parents, if the parents don't help or don't care, you have evidences for the police.
DixieNormous007 4
get one of those horse head masks and an airsoft shotgun and come tearin ass outside shooting
Michael903 18
Is it time to wait with your own supply of eggs and return fire?
Odis12 11
Except you stick your eggs in the freezer over night.
Rainhawk94 27
And dip them in the blood of your past enemies
cracchiolo 16
#6 I concur.
DocBastard 40
I hear that paint guns are harmless but can sting like hell, especially when you get hit in the balls. Not that I would ever condone violence in any way.
Goblin182 27
Paintguns are not harmless. Those things will take an eye out.
Enslaved 38
"You'll shoot your eye our!"
Sports_guy3 28
#18- Then why was paintball shooting invented?
Welshite 40
#29: It's recommended protective gear be worn during paintball fights to prevent injuries. It's possible to be injured if you don't.
skyeyez9 25
The kids deserve to have their eyes shot out with the paintballs for harassing, OP and now vandalizing his property for years. Years...that is ridiculous and they have no damn conscience or empathy. However, if one was hit even on his foot with a paintball, he will cry like a little bitch to his sorry sack of shit parents who cant supervise their kids. And they will call the cops and press charges for assaulting her rotten spawn. This has gone on for years. They deserve a hail of paintball pellets shot on every inch of their bodies.
HKCgrimmjow 15
No... Yeah a paintball gun can hurt like a bitch and can literally take out an eye. I was in a tournament and rules state protective gear and minimum 5 foot distance for a shot or surrender. Some ass shot me point blank right in the throat. Needless to say he was strapped to a tree for the team to unload on him. ANYWAYS. Yes, they can cause damage
Dthsapprntc 23
Wow #62, a little bitter are we? From the FML, only the ding dong ditch part has been going on for years, while the egging only happened in response to the sprinkler OP installed, which was rather silly of OP. Kids like that will always retaliate. So if you shoot them with a paintball gun they might do something worse in return, because in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny; "Of course you know, this means war!" (My apologies if I missquoted Bugs there, but it has been forever since I saw the cartoons.)
Pixelatedpotato 28
As someone whose friends aimed solely for my balls because they knew I forgot a cup, shoot them there as much as possible to scare them off
brandoneyez1 25
I love the motion activated sprinkler idea. Now you just need a flame thrower. Lol
crazytwinsmom 25
To cook the eggs?
krazymeatball77 7
To cook the children...
DanShowsNoMercy 13
Go buy yourself a good nice AEG airsoft gun and start pelting them with BBs.
BluKatz 11
The kids would, at the very least, have to be wearing eye protection. Unless OP wants a lawsuit for putting an eye out. Plus the cops usually frown on waving a very realistic fake gun around.
skyeyez9 25
If OP disguises himself, disposes of the airsoft gun soon after where cops cant find it, and admit nothing he can get away with it. Be like "no officer, I was sound asleep in my bed. I heard sounds of screaming and l have no idea what was going on." Dont admit to cops the ding dong ditching or eggs...that will show a motive. Get an alibi or someone you trust with your life to swear you were with them when it happened.
skyeyez9 25
Maybe buy the airsoft gun with cash so they cant trace it. Or craigs list. If you dont do something they will keep egging and damaging your home and peace of mind. They may start throwing rocks and breaking stuff next.
BradTheBrony 19
So, BluKatz, by "very realistic" you mean "bright-orange tipped," correct?
Fsvb 32
Yeah... Except air softs usually don't have those orange tips. You've gotta put them on yourself and I'm not sure if it's okay even when you do that.
KillSwitch96 18
They are required by law to come with orange tips. You, yourself, never have to put them on the tip of the barrel.
Fsvb 32
Oh.. Well I've never seen them like that, is that something from the States then? They are actually almost illegal in my country, unless you meet special requirements, but all over Europe we've never seen them with the orange thing. So, my last comment was a mistake, disregard it!
perdix 31
Get more powerful sprinklers and hope the kids don't have RPG's. You don't want to have to resort to filling your sprinkler system with napalm (even though the streams of liquid fire would be bad-ass!)
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
Hire Miley Cyrus to sing on your lawn they will never come back.
perdix 31
#14, but if she brings that giant pussy with the moving lips, the homeowner won't ever go back, either. And, God forbid that she also brings the tall, singing kitten!
ewang_ 12
Get a wrecking ball
tpm45 25
I came in like a wrecking ball! I never hit so hard in love! All I wanted was to egg your house! All you ever did was dreeeench me! Yeah you... You dreeenched me!
Sports_guy3 28
#14- Don't forget about Justin Beiber.
Axipiter 24
30, can we all please forget about Justin Bieber?