Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they couldn't get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my 4 year-old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML
Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML
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Top comments
FlyingLeumer 19
Looks like the yokes on you
BatmanPotato 13
I think the sprinkler idea was great, but kids always have other tactics. Try calling the cops to scare them.
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Comments (142)
jude_iscariot 7
Start egging them back.
TurquoiseJesus 15
I recall a story where a guy, who's house was continually vandalized, hid in the bushes with a spraygun full of fox piss on a night he knew the kids would be there (it was their prom night, I think). Food for thought, OP.
BradTheBrony 19
How'd he get a water gun full of fox piss?
tymarie2012 31
#98 Internet, just look up where to buy fox piss. I know they sell it to ward off animals.
JudgeComrade 17
Acquire pitbulls.
ocramavaf 15
warfare 101
shaggystar 3
Set up a camera. Wait till they break a window. Take camera to police. Sit back and enjoy.
myeviltwin 20
Didn't read all the comments so this may have already been suggested. Get a security cam and when you catch the little bas***** egging your house on tape hand it over to the police. Ding dong ditch is one thing (annoying but does not cause any property damage) egging your house is an entirely different story (it can ruin the paint, they could miss and break a window etc. etc.).
myeviltwin 20
S*** someone posted the same idea while I was typing my response.
vencku 13
Actually several people suggested that before you even started typing your response. Unless it took you hours to write.
JoeyJaws68 18
Your Move, Kyle
Thunderlaxus 10
monopolize all the eggs in town! that way they will start tp`ing you. you should prepare for that, soldier.
Izick_Status 8
*Time to bring out the shotgun*
1947Chevy 17
Make a rubber band Gatling gun 400 rubber bands a minute. Kids are always shooting each other with rubber bands it's time to bring in the heavy artillery