Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
Today, I was robbed while working overnight at the gas station. They demanded I give them all the cash in the register. Seeing they were armed, I was reduced to tears and complied. They mocked me and took a video with their cellphone. When I told my boss, he promptly fired me for not “fighting back.” FML
Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
No you're not a weirdo, under stressful situations the body releases adrenaline, which raises your heart rate and as some guys know sometimes if your heart rate goes high enough this will activate testosterone and cause you to become erect. don't worry about it so much I have the issue where every time my body releases adrenaline in any significant amount I become erect every time. So working out / exercising or doing any strenuous activity ends up causing adrenaline to be released.
RichardPencil 32
You are when compared to the general population. Go to FetLife and I think you'll fet right in. Sounds like you need a dominatrix.
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Comments (10)
RichardPencil 32
You are when compared to the general population. Go to FetLife and I think you'll fet right in. Sounds like you need a dominatrix.
maskedangel 11
Lmao. I like fetlife
Charlie Given 28
No you're not a weirdo, under stressful situations the body releases adrenaline, which raises your heart rate and as some guys know sometimes if your heart rate goes high enough this will activate testosterone and cause you to become erect. don't worry about it so much I have the issue where every time my body releases adrenaline in any significant amount I become erect every time. So working out / exercising or doing any strenuous activity ends up causing adrenaline to be released.
BananaCoconutty 26
ok bro i get boners when i work out too, and i thought i was the only one
Brightside86 31
Seems like a pretty great way to descalate that situation.
xingyibear 5
this is the best fml i have ever read and ive been reading them since 2007/8
HokieJ 10
that's what you call a fear bones! Learned about it from "The League"!
IHaveThePower 18
Enjoy the wonderful world of kink, my friend. You're not a freak at all, and you'll have tons of fun.
Zach Ertzberger 7
Your errant erection most likely saved your life. Appreciate it and forget about it.
diraven 15
You should have said, "That's not a knife...THIS is a knife" with an Australian accent.
Tay94 15
cap.