Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I hope he doesn't twitch in his sleep. Also he's an idiot who will probably end up stabbing himself and you (if you're staying over).
Dimence 9
Just, run.
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Comments (106)
thefallenqueen 5
I think he's been watching too much supernatural :P . There's a knife in the show capable of destroying demons.
AphyTheBronette 15
Well if they do make a movie about this, I wonder if they'll include this FML in it...
HungerGames95 13
A fellow Minnesotan!!
cat1230 4
Not only should you never sleep over, you shouldn't have him as a boyfriend... HELLO!??
nvo 6
Is the sex that good that you have to stay with this psycho? Seriously, run!
Spark_Slicker 19
I do believe people can be possessed by demons, but I'm not so sure a knife is gonna do anything to protect him. XD
MinecraftGeek 8
Who you gunna call? Ghost Busters!
BoratSagdiyev 2
That's okay. I'm sure he'd like it better if you left afterwards anyway.
bryan788 29
um is he good with his hands or something is that why your with the idiot. I am sure you can find a better guy, a guy that sleeps with a gun under his pillow because everyone knows knives can hurt daemons.
blair_x 12
I fail to see how a knife would provide much protection from a spirit.