Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I hope he doesn't twitch in his sleep. Also he's an idiot who will probably end up stabbing himself and you (if you're staying over).
Dimence 9
Just, run.
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Comments (106)
nostrings559 4
I'm concerned that you're first thought was no more sleep overs. How about I need to get the hell away from this lunatic? Talk about accepting.
TheDrifter 24
Hells yes, Demon vs Alien turf war for Earth. This is gonna be awesome.
illegallyblonde 3
Simple solution; DUMP HIM !
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
Physical weapons don't do shit, against the supernatural. What an idiot.
eternal7 6
My suspicious mind tells me there may be more to this. The fact that you didn't know there was a knife under the pillow tells me that you probably haven't slept over before and this may be a new relationship. Maybe you thinking twice about sleeping over is exactly what he wanted. Not because of the knife under his pillow, but because of the wife sleeping on the pillow next to him.
anajanet1 4
Yes fyl
zuzupetalsYO 11
There are just SO many things wrong with your last sentence. If you can't figure out what, you deserve him.
kingas611 0
hahahha
Bambina_Chula 0
What is the whole point of a knife? A spirit can't be harmed by that type of object... -_-
metalwolf 17
Has the knife been blessed to make it special or something? A regular knife wont do anything close to what he is thinking. The only thing he is doing is making it easier for his "cohabitants" to cause problems.