Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
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Top comments
AlphaC 0
You have a five year old daughter. That immediately exempts you from being called gay or unmanly. You're not gay/unmanly because you have neon-green fingernails. You're a parent of a five year old daughter. Cheer up, it's not THAT bad.
justme001 0
Hey, it means you participate in your kid's life. Good for you, eff anyone who would say otherwise.
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Comments (321)
lifesux355 0
LOL that's all I've to say
MosDefinite09 0
#3 your a douche
zveltsen 2
Just explain to your colleagues. And you're a such a sweet dad!
BethanyMae 0
well at least your daughter has a fun and willing father who really cares about her. I just lost my grandfather today and he would have never let me do such a thing
ivant0072 0
Ouch, watch out a 40 year old gay person is coming making up a lie in which he says his daughter did it!
9876123 0
It's cool that you let her do that, I think. Once, my dad let my little sister and I give him a full-on manicure and whatnot, complete with pretty pink nail polish (haha) and was all talking with a lisp just to crack us up. It was funny!
familyguyfan 0
Well isn't that the cutest thing?!?! :)
pennygoo 0
just tell them that's why you have green nails. trust me they'll love what a family man you are
kellster 2
Aw, that's adorable! #17/#39 fails so hard
ShortyBBangin 0
HAHAHA that's cute. I'm a nanny to 3 girls..4,5 and 9 year olds. They get away with doing silly things to him. props to you for being a good sport =]