Ouch

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

Right in the feetsies

Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Go get an Xray, dude

Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

Couch fights!

Today, it's my wedding day. I broke a toe on the couch while turning on the lights in the hotel room. FML

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML