Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I discovered that one of my dogs has taken a liking to rolling over his own poop. I found out by petting him. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I got home to find a pair of my dirty underwear (that were in the dirty clothes basket) in the middle of the living room. I must be delicious, because my dog was licking them. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML
Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML
Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
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Top comments
Queen_bee1234 21
He's getting all the bitches!
Soninuva 41
Hey, at least he used protection!
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Comments (54)
Silk_Routes 14
your backyard needa surviellence
techiejames 8
Family meeting time. Make no accusations. Everyone needs to do the trash better.
mld4657 28
my question is how do you toss them where your dog can get them
Joisan 20
Seems pretty simple to me. You toss them in the trash, most household trash cans are low enough that a medium size or larger dog could get in there and eat whatever was thrown away. What do you do you do with yours? Flush down the toilet? Not good for the plumbing...
mld4657 28
Huh in case you didn't notice I am female so I do not need condoms there is a magical pill and shot to prevent that shit
zeffra13 31
#28 Condoms prevent more than just pregnancy. I hope this means you have all the guys you sleep with tested for STDs beforehand, because no symptoms does not mean no disease and they could have been just as stupid with past partners. Just being female means absolutely nothing. There's even women who medically can't take birth control. Also, is it safe to get the shot AND be on the pill? That's a lot of hormones (which are a type of steroid fyi).
mld4657 28
wow I learned more here then in health class. thank you captain obvious
trucker2 33
Still wrap the salami for safe measures
team_hale 11
You deserve it for not properly disposing of them. And if they weren't your's, you should still watch what he eats
countryb_cth 38
They probably did dispose of them properly but dogs sometimes get into the garbage. Doesn't mean OP wasn't being careful. OP since your dog does this I suggest getting lids for any small garbage cans you have. Also you may want to take your pup to the vet to make sure all the condoms passed through. Even if it's embarrassing most vets have seen it before and being embarrassed is a lot better than losing your dog.
rabid_otaku 29
Also "yours" doesn't require an apostrophe.
warrenhoward42 20
that's a little messed up
worldclassrager 41
Now time to find a better way to dispose of them...
seemetrot_fml 16
I hope they're yours at least..
Le_ponderer 14
Did you have the dog in the room when watching that youtube video of that girl that called sperm an anti-aging beauty tip; while applying it to her face? Maybe the dog was just trying to add more to its lifespan... or get some extra protein.
alvarny 17
I hope you find out who the daddy of the puppies are.
gamermonster 34
I'm not sure if this was sarcastic, but the difference in chromosomes make sure a dog can't get pregnant from a human (and neither can a girl get pregnant from a dog).
justingug76 14
Fido, you are not the father. (In Maury Povich voice)
writerchic85 26
You must live in a sketchy area that people are randomly throwing out used condoms in the yard. Either that or you need to take better care to keep your garbage stored.