Today, my boyfriend whispered, “Grond will breach it” into my ear, all sexy like. I had no idea what he was on about, so when we were done screwing I looked it up. Grond is a battering ram from a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings that smashes a gate open. Just why? Nerd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I was at work with my boyfriend. I was being playful and recounting something that had happened in my D&D session the night before. I imitated the roar from the dragon that the DM had done, and midway though, the postman walked in with a delivery. He walked back out without a word. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Thaylok 17
Grond is a MASSIVE fricking* Battering ram. He was trying to imply his penis* is also massive and would destroy your "gates". Nerdy? yup. Appropriate? Not really.... Creepy? Absolutely!
stickyface 17
Grond isn't a reference from a "deleted scene"; The Lord of the Rings is a book trilogy, dear. If you value your nerd, do try to keep up.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
Thaylok 17
Grond is a MASSIVE fricking* Battering ram. He was trying to imply his penis* is also massive and would destroy your "gates". Nerdy? yup. Appropriate? Not really.... Creepy? Absolutely!
stickyface 17
Grond isn't a reference from a "deleted scene"; The Lord of the Rings is a book trilogy, dear. If you value your nerd, do try to keep up.
FluffythePink 23
As a Tolkien nerd, I laughed harder than I should have at this. Next time just pat him on his 'battering ram' and tell him "Grond did good". Or get yourself some elf ears and a pretty dress and watch Grond explode...