Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
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Top comments
PSQ91 6
At least you know your home is safe.
Mirorbo 27
Thank your lucky stars you're not from Texas, darling. He would have shot you.
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Comments (82)
InsaneGenius 0
Number 68 is right. My husband had a friend who shot and killed his step~father when he walked in the house late at night. It ruined his life; he couldn't live with what he'd done. Always assess the situation before doing something you could forever regret. When you are sure it's an intruder, kill them. If someone comes into your home to harm you or the ones you love they need to be shot.
Kadaj7412 0
This reminds me of Captain Falcon for some reason. Lol.
dreadbeat69 12
"I was going to get a drink in the middle of the night, bumped into some furniture, and somehow ended up in the neighbors tree with all my teeth missing... the last thing I remember was hearing 'CAPTAIN FALCOOONNNNN!'"
shaytards_fml 9
well atleast your father is brave
dansco 25
Lucky he didn't do worse tbh. People hit first if they think there is an intruder.
SulfurPlague 0
Go dad!
tigersarecatstoo 0
At least it was only his fist, he could've had a bat.
poppywinkle 5
that's awesome
TheOtherMakona 0
His fist is better than a baseball bat or a crowbar. :/
Bored4Life29 5
Be glad it wasn't a baseball bat
dontsmokecrack 1
OPs dad: Who's your da..? Daaaah shit....