Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML
Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML
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Top comments
skiz_fml 0
This isnt an FYL or a YDI. Thats just ******* funny.
redbluegreen 41
Firecrotch.
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Comments (132)
zeeshupp 0
LMAO. YDI for being such a wuss.
dspadres 0
Gotta protect the McNuggets!
Lounia_fml 8
WINNNN!!!
flying_vegan 0
YDI for burning stuff. Think of the o-zone.
Intoxicunt 6
There's a ZONE for Os? I could use a good O. Maybe you could point me in the direction of this place.
plexico 4
Toxi (#24), I'm thinking, Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia. Sorry, I might have accidentally inspires another impostor: Chiacunt. Oops.
redbluegreen 41
I am laughing so hard, I should probably engage in the stop, drop n' roll.
Intoxicunt 6
Well, look who's up. He's also awake. "Chiacunt" makes me think it's shaved in little poof balls like a poodle. Rachie, I'll put you out if you put out.
redbluegreen 41
Reminded me of "Chococunt", actually. Warm me up beneath the sheets, babe. (;
Intoxicunt 6
Chococunt? Isn't that a candy bar with chocolate and nuts? *Cuddles*
redbluegreen 41
I was thinking exotic breakfast cereal. -snugglewuggle- I miss Twin. D:
Intoxicunt 6
So make your twin get on. I miss when the FML staff would come on here and chat with us. *COUGH* ALAN *COUGH*. ;D
plexico 4
RBG, are you thinking of **** Chocula?
redbluegreen 41
Twin is getting ready for school, sweetness. I am, very much so. I am glad someone out there can read my mind without me screaming at them during our intimate moments. Can this be an intimate moment, Plexi?
Intoxicunt 6
Pfft, your twin goes to school. Ahaha. Hey, back off my plexi. Plexi, back off my Rachie. Now, if I were invited, it would be fine... ;)
plexico 4
Of course you are invited, Toxi! You are the dictator, remember? I think Rachel would love it if you were there. I know I wood. Oops, I mean, would.
Intellectualist 0
I see what you did there... I have a joke for you guys, here goes: What's big, grey (gray for you americanites) and doesn't matter? an irr-elephant.
redbluegreen 41
Why did I think of binary code? I call our newest exploration(what?) to be in a ball pit.
Intellectualist 0
Ball pits are the single most amazing thing to be invented, other than peanut butter and jelly cheesecake, that's pretty damn good.
plexico 4
I'm not sure, but I think you could pass the Turing Testes.
im_a_dinosaur 0
hahaha nice going loser
null_fml 11
(I hope this works) Thanks for the idea, plexi! EDIT: Well this was supposed to be a reply, but...
Intoxicunt 6
NULL, You twat! Change your name back this instant! >:(
null_fml 11
I wish I could! I don't have any control over this thing, it's wild! Feral even! (Actually it only changes on a per-comment basis, and only in the one spot below the comment :P)
Intoxicunt 6
Bastard. Ok then, make it say Null for the duration of....your life! :)
null_fml 11
Well, that's a little unconventional, but... anything for you! EDIT: Aww, it got cut off. :( FML just loves ruining my fun.
Intoxicunt 6
*FACEPALM* Null, I
Witchcraft_fml 5
Null is genius, as always. :]
redbluegreen 41
Why is it always 'squarely' in the nuts? Why can't it be circularly in the nuts?
Intoxicunt 6
Can octahedronly be a word? Say yes. SAY IT. Good. Octahedronly in the nuts!
redbluegreen 41
Elephant in the nuts, anyone?
plexico 4
No one can truly understand the THEORY of the agony of nut-slapping without some hands-on experience.
redbluegreen 41
So, there are times when hands on a guys nuts can be a bad thing? I never knew there was such a thing.
plexico 4
Yes, you must enroll in my course. Cupping and caressing are a good thing. Slapping and smacking are a bad thing -- for the guy, at least. They can be quite entertaining for the girl if he fails her in some way, like sexually or at buying shit for her. There is a fundamental equation regarding hand-ball relative velocity that explains it all. This is covered in the theory portion of the course, while hands-on experience is obtained in the lab.
Intoxicunt 6
Plexi, I have readied my baseball bat. Where is my iPhone? NULL: Up there my comment said "I love you", but it cut off for some reason.
redbluegreen 41
I really want to start a hands-on sex ed class. With labs, experimenting, and really putting yourself out there, um, lessons. And there'd be cartoons for the unattractive people. Oral reports and student-teacher conferences would be weekly... Blah blah. We should start a school, Plexi. Educate these young souls in the bedroom and maybe even, their hearts. But, at least the bedroom.
null_fml 11
Oh, and here I thought you were using clever meta-humour to make fun of me for my name getting cut off (by cutting your post off). That's alright - I'm just glad you didn't use any regular humour about cutting anything else off. :P
YoungTechnique 0
******* dumbass. Charred and slapped nuts is a pain that someone of your mind capacity deserves.
Intellectualist 0
You are obviously a very rude people, grow some manners.
plexico 4
Toxi, it's coming. RBG, you might want to call it a school. Some of us are calling it a club *cough* cult. Whatever floats your boat. I think the student-teacher conferences need to be more frequent just to make sure you are handling the material.
Intellectualist 0
I'll join!
plexico 4
You are in and we are awarding you a full-tuition scholarship. ;)
redbluegreen 41
So, I'll be teaching? Oh yay! I always get concerned when no one knows what I speak of, let alone knows how to do anything. But I need students willing to be hands on, you know? I mean, really into it! Devoted! And [at least] attractive.
Intellectualist 0
This is exciting! Even more exciting than ball pits organised in rainbow order!
plexico 4
Yes, RBG, I like the "team teaching" concept. I'll teach about the equipment of which I have intimate knowledge (as an owner) and you can contribute what you know about your equipment. ;)
toink 0
teach me, rbg!
plexico 4
Dear toink, Thank you for your interest in our school. Unfortunately, all the slots have been filled. Please make other arrangements for your education. Good luck. plexico Dean of Emissions, er, Admissions
Intellectualist 0
Oh, I bet all of the slots have been filled (;
Intoxicunt 6
Laura made me giggle. Also, your picture makes me cream myself.
redbluegreen 41
Oh dear. That's all I can say now.
Intellectualist 0
Whyso? And I try my best ;)
Intellectualist 0
Oh goodness Intoxicunt, not only did I just see your new picture, but I read your profile, I was so excited I peed a bit :)
Intoxicunt 6
Can I sniff your peed on undies, laura? Add me on FB! I'm on RBG's. In fact, I'm all over it. :)
plexico 4
Your hedgehog look was cute, but this new picture is hot. ;) I hope you'll sit in the front row in class.
Intellectualist 0
You could, if I was wearing any...¬_¬ *cough* And yes Mr. Plexico, I will sit right forward, at the front of the class...attentive and willing to learn.
Intellectualist 0
I'm still part hedgehog :) Just with bigger boobs... ahemm.
plexico 4
Big boobs, eh? I'll make sure the school uniform is low-cut. Or optional.
Intellectualist 0
Toxi, I facebooked you :) enjoy :)
Intoxicunt 6
Yay, laura! Also, I vote the school uniform is panties. Just panties.
Intellectualist 0
Yes, whther it's a curse or a blessing I don't know, but I know of a fair few males that havn't actually seen my face since I was 12 (I was an early developer and looked oldr than I was) But yes, low cut is good, but non is even better :)
Intellectualist 0
Hmm, french lace? comfy, but sexy ;)
plexico 4
With the student body being so creative, we might go with letting the students express themselves by wearing whatever they want. Or not.
Intellectualist 0
as long as it isn't Lady Gaga french lace... eek.