Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said, "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.
onealmxwilson 18
#20, that would be his grammar
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Comments (56)
martin8337 36
Ass clown?
buttcramp 21
funerals make people nervous sometimes and people respond to this feeling in various ways.. sorry this happened to you guys, OP.
Neighborhoods 8
Kinda insensitive, I'm so sorry OP
it__happens 17
Sounds like your in a pickle
worldclassrager 41
Sorry for your loss...he needs to work on his maturity a bit more...
Jemm_fml 29
Worth it.
tj4234 36
I don't get this joke. Can someone please explain it to me? Sorry for being slow but I'm just back from a long and boring shift at work xD. Also, when it's my turn to have a funeral I hope people make jokes at it.
Fsvb 32
I... I dont get it either, being a not-native English speaker would be my excuse I guess?
ohishkabibble 21
"Rectum" sounds a lot like "wrecked 'em" when you say it. So it would sound like, "Wrecked 'em? Damn near killed 'em!" Basically, it's a butt pun, but since OP's husband was at a funeral it obviously wasn't an appropriate thing to say.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Is that seriously what the joke is? Wow, that's lame. I don't see in what scenario that "joke" would come up, though.
fawfulster 11
I don't get it.
HKCgrimmjow 15
#1 they are picking on your grammar out of kindness. Otherwise they would need to pick on your shitty comment to begin with, and well, nobody wants their heart broken.
Creep615 6
You're husband has a great sense of humor, he is very punny