Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML
Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML
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Top comments
OEsEben 0
If you're a good fake cougher you can cover up the whole thing... then just walk out rubbing your throat and say "mmm something in my...." and just walk past
achtung_fml 5
Scoot: "Turn on the fan, and sink. Everybody knows that." I know now, Scoot. I know now.
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Comments (42)
asianzingeng 0
haha I think she would think it's funny don't worry about it bub :) she probably forgot about it
ZleveL 0
Why The **** Do You Capitalize The Begining Of Every ******* Word In The Sentence You Dumbass Bitch. seriously that pisses me off
giss_fml 0
n1
Overseer211 1
Agreed With Zlevel That Really Pisses Me Off Also.
maz_irken 6
(I can taste the thumbs down right now.) I guess that was a- *puts on sunglasses* SHITTY SITUATION! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!
cberry427 8
Shit happens. As long as you drop it where you're supposed to it's OK.
carlosantana0219 2
WTF?
rockerlove2013 6
Ok well when you have to take a dump then run the water. I do it all the time
alchemist27 13
It's happened to me at school
TheChelseaSays 34
Just tell her you weren't feeling well or you ate something to mess up your stomach. I'm sure she would understand.