No, you don't

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

Curious...

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

Finally

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

Parting shit

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

Drugs are bad

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML