Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML
Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, at work, I had an accident and cracked a rib. I got taken to hospital where I got checked over. The doctor said it was a good job I hadn't got a chest infection nor a cold. Funny you should say that doc, I have both. She replied, "Well, that's bad…" FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
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Top comments
MarryMeFry 10
Martian babies don't show up on the pregnancy tests.
iranoutofnames 6
you have an awesome sense of humor. I love you
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Comments (110)
insomniac8400 13
never crack a stupid joke in a hospital...
lilsawty2 8
Actually I think the lesson here is never crack a bad joke in a hospital...
The_Khan 12
Decent joke and good advice :)
imonheretoooften 16
I made a similar joke to a local TSA agent I see every time I'm at the airport. He saw a lot more of me after I made that joke.
lucasj23 11
I'm pretty sure they didnt do a brain scan for just one comment.