Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML
Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, at work, I had an accident and cracked a rib. I got taken to hospital where I got checked over. The doctor said it was a good job I hadn't got a chest infection nor a cold. Funny you should say that doc, I have both. She replied, "Well, that's bad…" FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
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Top comments
MarryMeFry 10
Martian babies don't show up on the pregnancy tests.
iranoutofnames 6
you have an awesome sense of humor. I love you
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Comments (110)
josegalvez08 0
Ignore this comment, it was a reply to a previous post but for some reason my iphone screwed up.
mpoppe1018 2
u deserve it for making such a shitty joke
Nukey 2
This has been one of the most awesome FMLs I've read so far, and it's partly because for once it doesn't sound fake. XD You can't MAKE that shit up. PS, one time they gave me a psychological evaluation because I accidentally made a joke about bludgeoning infants... .__.
Sinkhole 26
Actually, she died last month. Knowing that, would you have laughed if she had said that 'joke'?
btc415 0
wow ur so dumb OP in hospitals they usually give women X-rays after trauma just to make sure there weren't any internal injuries to things perhaps a baby in your womb. that's standard procedure.
cheekyandgeeky 3
Ha.
Sinkhole 26
You shouldn't have edited your comment, cheekyandgeeky, it was funny how you brought up John Edward, the psychic. Soda was clearly talking about John Edwards.
AzKoldAzICE 3
I enjoyed that Ty OP
IneffableLullaby 13
You deserve it for thinking nurses care to hear stupid jokes.
clojo1112 0
when I broke my ankle at 13 they gave me a pregnancy test because they wanted to make sure they don't have to do drastic measures or something. again, at age 13!!