Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a shitty day, I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. When I grabbed the salt container, the bottom lid came off and the salt went everywhere. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML
Today, I woke up to find my entire lounge floor crawling with maggots. Our whole house is clean, and they’re big enough to be days old, yet showed up overnight. I still have no idea where they’ve come from. FML
Today, I wasted 20 minutes trying to open a container of slime, only for rotten green liquid and weird brownish yellow goo to spray spanning 5 feet in all directions from me and my bed. I nearly threw up and now am getting a wet, sleepless night. FML
Today, I went outside to feed the hedgehogs who often visit my garden. It was late in the evening and dark outside. I was walking barefoot, when I suddenly stepped on something. It felt soft and splashed apart under my foot. I looked and realized that I had stepped on a slug. FML
Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML
Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML
Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML
Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML
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Top comments
whysobeachy 37
Wouldn't expecting intelligence from slugs make YOU the idiot? Ooohh, plot twist.
Tripartita 45
A fellow attendee of the Winchester School of Pest Control, eh? It was the worst money I ever spent, but my house has been demon free…
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Comments (54)
barfingcat21 18
Get some home defense from your local hardware store and spray all along the outside of your house and yard.
el_bell3618 29
Eat up?
whysobeachy 37
Good god, no. I don't think OP is an eagle. (Do eagles eat slugs? I'm pitching a wild guess here)
Dick_diamond 22
Mmmm..tasty
el_bell3618 29
Clearly you don't know what escargot is
FoucaultsBitch 6
Yeah, but dehydrated oversalted wild slugs aren't exactly as appetizing as fresh, farmed, buttered and cooked to plump perfection escargot.
PhoenixChick 26
Since escargot is snails, not slugs, I think perhaps you don't know.
el_bell3618 29
There's a thing called variation, I've seen slugs prepared very similarly as well
Steffi3 40
Seems like your ward did exactly what it was supposed to do, though. It keeps the snails out because they die when they try to cross the salt. What else did you expect?
TheGamingGamer 28
Just go to Home Depot and get Slug Defense, then put it around your house and by the doors and windows.
confused_wandere 26
We don't have Home Depot in the UK though.
ZombieSazza 34
We do have B&Q over here though. They have a gardening section and I'm fairly certain they sell this kind of thing, if not, then B&M Bargains, which also has a gardening section.
Tripartita 45
A fellow attendee of the Winchester School of Pest Control, eh? It was the worst money I ever spent, but my house has been demon free…
Welshite 40
Are you sure about that? Are you absolutely positive?
Tripartita 45
Did they ask you to post that comment? Are they trying to make me doubt my training? Because I am NOT calling those dudes back here and paying them to check for demons—I just can't take anymore of their romantic tension!
JadeOmega 23
Maybe the demons WANT you to think your house is demon free
katelng09 16
I actually thought this was leading to something to do with Supernatural. But nope. We got slugs. xD
LiveForSenpai 13
Is their company car an Impala by any chance? (btw, this comment made my day xD)
FlutterLoud 29
I think this I'm my favorite comment on my favorite FML. :)
metalcrazed 21
What in the world are you talking about?
SlapsKnee 12
Watching Supernatural right now!
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Your name is fitting for this FML, or at least the last part i guess.
Bricktothehead 21
You won the battle but lost the war.
whysobeachy 37
Wouldn't expecting intelligence from slugs make YOU the idiot? Ooohh, plot twist.
domolovesyoshi 33
Slay hahahaha
DanCastellaneta 17
still a better plot twist than anything I could come up with
zebra3_fml 7
the slugs are mostly dead, so your problem is half solved now.
Mathalamus 25
12 dead slugs? ew...
whysobeachy 37
If 12 dead slugs is "ew", would 11 dead slugs be 'ew-1'?