Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML
Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML
Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML
Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Today, while working in a blood drawing clinic, a mom sat in the chair holding her 4-year-old child, who kicked me square in the groin. Being a heavyset lady, I shrugged it off and collected the sample, while the child screamed, "Kicking worked on the last man that did this!" FML
Today, I was in the hospital. My mom was with me and the pump was beeping for over two hours because everyone was busy with other patients. The Asian doctor came in and my mom said, “THESE PUMPS SOUND LIKE CHINESE TORTURE!“ He stared at her and was like, “Umm. We don’t actually do that there.” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CDobs 8
No worries, I'd have done the same thing.
AGB10 19
Nothing wrong with that..I think it's amusing too..specially if the trainer is cute ;) Look on the bright side - Maybe you were the only one in the room who feels 25..and the rest maybe 25 but going in 70..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You're never too old for a dirty joke :)
Barjabulesque 7
I don't trust anyone that doesn't laugh at the words pump, rim, enter, or titmouse.....
CharresBarkrey 16
Or duty.
RedPillSucks 33
I laugh everytime I hear my 10 year old nephew say he's going to play call-o-doodie
annie_nk 23
There's new changes to CPR?
Evil_Wench 16
They change procedure every couple of years because they're still not sure how many breaths to compressions is most effective.
CharresBarkrey 16
This is why you have to get re-certified every 2 years...
annie_nk 23
It's been about 3 years for me. Time to find a class!
Smoldering 15
It's ok Op. you don't have a dirty mind, you just have a sexy imagination. There is a bright side to everything.
YeahYeahYeahOK 6
YDI, But really.... I would have had a real hard time not laughing myself :D
tomatosz 23
Fast? Sure, let's not give the heart time to fill up with blood... I heard that one of the most common rookie mistakes is going too fast. 100bpm is ideal iirc (hum along to Stayin' Alive and you'll have the right timing).
mimiminx 23
It's faster than what it used to be. It used to be a compression for every second or so (or 1 gin and tonic, 2 gin and tonic and so on) but now, like you say it's about 100 compressions a min
CoGhostRider 31
It's also the beat to another one bites the dust
aJaguarinRed 9
It's the song I sing when I'm working a cor!
emblondie 7
*high five*
sarah9623 4
I did CPR yesterday too !!!
brittyboo123 35
Nothing wrong with that. They must not have the same kind of humor. I would have laughed though.
CoGhostRider 31
Well you must admit it is better lol