Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML
Today, I tried to give my cat a bath after he got into the attic and got covered in all sorts of shit. Halfway through, he freaked out, jumped out of the tub, and ran around the house dripping wet. He then hid under my bed, and I had to practically dismantle it to get him out. Now my bedroom smells like wet fur and broken trust. FML
Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds fishy. Your cat is a pussy.
Anaxes 5
You could give the fish to the cat and you could solve 2 problems.
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Comments (132)
Anaxes 5
You could give the fish to the cat and you could solve 2 problems.
stephanie0613 0
agreed^^^
elme0212 0
anaxes, I don't think I've ever laughed so much, like I did when reading your "about" section. like, you think you're so tough, but you're probably some 26 year old, overweight nerd who lives with his mother. get over yourself.
Sportsfan86 3
43 it's obviously a joke idiot
Ali_Br_fml 33
I don't like your list. politically correct. & from My iPod, the (damn French keyboard changing the to thé) quotes don't show up; it just says quote. Lolz. ;-) I just had 2 say it. I never really figured out how 2 use these (;) I'm not a grammar Nazi b/c I don't know that... I just felt the need 2 make him mad. ;-)
Mauskau 36
I laughed at his info too. Best info ever :D
Anaxes 5
#43 - I think someone's jealous that the nerds are the people who get the money while you're stuck cleaning drains. On another note, I'm surprised that random people haven't just replied to my comment to get to the top.
elainelovesyou 7
Haha, agreed. (:
lemoncows 2
he admitted to being narcicistic so stop being all jealous
hahaalolz 0
omg I had a freaking lolgasm when I read that info too!!! what a stupid *DOUCHE* face fuckbag. omg still giggling hahaa
mdoncses 8
yes nerds rock!
BrightSidegirl82 0
anaxes, i luv u man, ure so bootiful
hahafylop 4
Brightsidegirl82, go die in a hole. Or better yet, use some spare change to buy yourself a sense of humor.
Sirin_fml 47
[whoops, no longer relevant]
Anaxes 5
#58 - Due to the fact that the post looks like it just came out of a blender I cannot determine the presence/absence of sarcasm. But I will help you with your insult. Firstly, douche is not a proper insult. "Douche" is what females use to clean their vaginas. So whenever someone is so stupid and uninspired (Come on, even the tone of the word makes it sound pathetic, like calling someone a pile of poo) to call someone a "Douche", they're pretty much actually complimenting the person. Douche Face doesn't even make any sense anyway, unless you're implying my face is not solid and in fact is comprised of gases and liquids. Fuckbag, while making no sense at least sounds like an insult rather than the screaming of a 2 year old.
schnitzel5 0
96 you go person! (I didn't know what to call you so I just said person)
hahaalolz 0
someones butthurt. and btw, ur wrong, douche actually means shower in French. bitch.
Diabla_ 2
And that makes it any better? Shower face? Oooh what an insult.
CSTDude77 7
Freaken genius!!
xGabri3L 3
:o
MarioandSonic 8
did anyone else read the first sentence as: " I woke up to shit on my floor " as in she woke up to take a shit on the floor? or is that just me?
JJ_86 22
Get rid of the fish. It's probably the Spookyfish (South Park).
boredinjp 17
Get rid of the cat as well.
AliaAlM 0
hahhaha I know right!
tmcnatt2012 0
agreed!
dachayke 16
Get rid of the what?!?!
molil_4810 0
ahhhhahahahahahahahah you silly troll! bahahahahahahahahahah
Mirorbo 27
Is it a Betta by any chance?
suppressed08 2
Isn't that a fishkeepers dream? I'd be happy if I got a cat and it was scared of my fish..
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds fishy. Your cat is a pussy.
Uscdrew1 7
I love you.
Uscdrew1 7
I love you.
C6Racer 0
Wow
FFML_314 12
Creepy, 8.
cat444des 0
bhahahaha!
zozbasha 9
lol you rock
tygerarmy 35
You win. Freeze the Internet is yours. wouldn't the cat get used to it eventually?
free2speak 14
can I do you?
hahaalolz 0
oh my fricking god what a win
fishycanswim 0
Punny!
TeenieAmerica 9
NO! I was totally going to make the "Your cat is a pussy" joke. Damn you!
iknowwhatimsayin 0
roglmaool
knibbsy 4
Why didn't you use a butt plug for your cat? One of my latest entrepreneurial quests has led me to a large share of stock in Plug Your ******* Ass, a great new company who is on the frontier of cutting-edge butt plugs for felines. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. They're all the rage now!
SMD_emilyy 1
Lmao, nasty.
131313 1
you are ******!!!
XxBlackamusPrime 5
Ha!
ladybuuggy 0
how is this an FML moment..? it's just a ******* fish!! flush the stupid thing!
surefirewinners 0
How dare you! I'm sorry, OP.
ladybuuggy 0
seriously?!? it's just a fish..so don't HOW DARE YOU!! to me..it won't even remember what happened 3 seconds after it gets flushed.
Niaa_fml 0
Fish are friends..
Strebor 0
not food!
Anaxes 5
Fish aren't food, people are food. How many times do I have to tell you, people are a RENEWABLE resource.
hahaalolz 0
anaxes, shut the **** up. NOW EVERYONE GO AND READ ANAXES ABOUT THINGY SO U CAN ALL LAUGH UR ASSES OFF!!!!!
Freeze_fml 17
^ Your profile description is funnier.
SyntheticSound 24
Umm...hate to burst your bubble, but they will. They have a memory span of months.
MakeAScene 4
Lmfao @7 (x