Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with four other people, with one fridge. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, my finally figuring out what the hell is wrong with my body has coincided with the local clinic closing for the weekend. I can't get referrals until they open again. Only three long, boring, miserable days and three long, agonizing, sleepless nights to go. And probably more even after. FML
Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML
Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML
Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML
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Top comments
lambda_fml 40
Yet you managed to write four.
rivaraven 35
#61, for the next 72 hours. I think the problem is not OP, but you and your ability to read.
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Comments (142)
kaitb1103 23
Ditto # 11 & #12. Buy a mini fridge. Your housemates shouldn't have to deal with that.
speshlk37 13
"Dude, those brownies sucked..."
keepcalmandbacon 16
"Dude, those were some shitty brownies."
fsomelife 26
Wrap the container in foil or something else that isn't see-through, tell them it's something none of them would get curious about. Get better, OP.
Zomg_Okay 27
If you tell them it's something they wouldn't be curious about, they're going to instantly become really, really curious.
msmal3 6
It's in a sealed tin and you can't see through it but I put it in a plastic bag as well. One of them asked what was with the paint tin in the fridge before picking it up and seeing the pathology label. Looked like he died a lite inside...
Grand_Cookie 21
Damn! This pudding tastes like shit! Wait a second...
Andrew910 5
Nice! This shit tastes like pudding!
sabrinaacrow 26
It's "you better not get diarrhoea" if you want it to be grammatically correct
sexyboi1985 27
Well, it's your time to take revenge with ur flat mates !
thatnucca 36
That one time the statement "Do not touch my shit" will have to be taken literally...
Ladisa 28
I am now waiting for a FML saying 'Today, I mistook my housemate's container of bowel movements he has to keep in the fridge for chocolate pudding. FML'.
fsomelife 26
Four of those.
RensM 22
Might be a blessing in disguise; after that your flatmates will never risk taking your food out the fridge again.
ddlovatolover 23
*you'd better not.. Or *you had better not... :)