Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
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Top comments
HelloSirs 14
When they talked about this in Charmin commercials, I never believed them. Learn something new every day.
ElatedEarthling 15
He was probably too wiped out to notice the extra toilet paper. I know it stinks, but it happens. Maybe next time you should just disregard it and stop being so anal.
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Comments (154)
The_F3rris 11
Hey, it happens.
laurensauren 9
I feel like to get a clump of toilet paper you'd have to be doing more than just grabbing his butt, you had to have been like putting your hand in places and that makes it weird
charvisioku 22
No, that makes it 'weird' by YOUR standards. And for all you know it might just have been sticking out from between his cheeks. If that's the case, it'd be hard not to notice there was paper just chilling there. Either way, your comment fails.
DanielleinDC 34
#33, It's not that weird. Some guys go for that. Evidently OP's boyfriend doesn't or he wouldn't have TP wedged up his butt.
Metallica36176 16
Exactly. My first thought was either how close her hand was to ground zero, if he wipes his ass cheek/hip, or Good Lord this boy must be skinny...
laurensauren 9
#50, she said grabbed his butt, not dug her hands into it. And 35 people disagree with you on my comment being a fail, but thanks for the input sweetheart.
charvisioku 22
You wouldn't need to dig your hands into someone's arse to accidentally snag TP that was sticking out of it. I'd hate to see inside your mind if things escalate that quickly in there. *Shudder* And you don't seriously measure success by thumbs do you? That's a sign of too much internets right there.
buckdharma 38
The handlebar (crotch rocket) mustashe. Sporty and practical.
False_Stupidity 42
And 100% irrelevant to this FML...
chisty87 16
First time for everything I guess but why would you put your hands so close to his ahole anyways??
edgarf1116 6
Sick!!
Enslaved 38
Ugh! What a turn off! Why can't people shower and wash their butts when they're planning to get intimate? That booty hole smell still lingers on, even with wiping properly! And those baby wipe thingies don't cut it either. Soap and water! :P "Ohh, so fresh and so clean, clean."
SApprentice 34
"I like showers, showers give me powers, powers that make me like superman~!"
MorganBrown 8
Well, I should stop reading FML's when I wake up and eat my cereal...
KayZeep 3
Maybe the grossest FML ever...only because I can relate in a way and I shudder every time I think about it. I always regretted being the polite WASP that I am and saying nothing. Keep your standards high, girl!!
babeababe 16
Maybe he thought you were into scat? Either way that's pretty disgusting. I would've pushed him off and told him to go shower.
RedPillSucks 33
Holy dangling participle. Did you finish?