Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
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Top comments
HelloSirs 14
When they talked about this in Charmin commercials, I never believed them. Learn something new every day.
ElatedEarthling 15
He was probably too wiped out to notice the extra toilet paper. I know it stinks, but it happens. Maybe next time you should just disregard it and stop being so anal.
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Comments (154)
woolymittens 11
Hahaha! Oh lord :L
poccocurantes 7
Please don't squeeze the Charmin.
SooInnLovee 6
I reallllyyy hope you didn't finish.....I would have thrown up. How on earth didn't he feel something hanging there? I don't know if I could look at him the same way only because I would be paranoid or I would have to do a toilet paper check before getting intimate....if I even could get intimate again.....
bethrocksya 9
And this is why you'll stay single forever. . . If your really going to catch paranoia over something like that then you might first, check yourself in the mirror hunnie. Cuz I'm sure your flaws and mistakes aren't beautiful either.
kakarot2 11
Holy mother of over reaction!
Adula 14
Overreacting much ? It's gross but so is most of our life's when you think about it.
middlecyclone 5
Dude...I actually hope that you're just really, really young cause at least you'd have that as an excuse for your seriously over-dramatic reaction. Yes. It's gross...but its not the end of the world. And if you knew anything about truly being in love, you'd get past it.
mirokuboy2 20
If it was fresh, sucks for you. If it wasn't, be glad.
RedPillSucks 33
Erm... Why would she be glad if it wasn't fresh? Is this some sort of **** scat fetish?
license2chill 5
How is a week old used toliet paper better than a fresh one in OP's case? If it's a week old, OP has some serious stuff to worry about
frethelt 3
i think he meant fresh as in just got out of the bathroom, and was refering to hour old... as in it had a chance to dry..
perdix 31
It could have been worse . . . it could have been a napkin with another girl's number on it. And shit.
Catkam623 27
Or a guys # and diarea?
rocker_chick105 31
^ *diarrhea
hannaaaahr 33
or a rhinoceros thats about to bite your hand of.
DracoSpirita 21
64 - Huh?
DutchBasterd 15
64 gets a thumbs up for being a fellow Dutch basterd haha
HowieDoIt 21
If we all just used our hands, stuff like this wouldn't happen! (There might be flaws with that logic, but what plan is perfect?)
frethelt 3
that is actually how they do business in certain parts of the world.. which is why in some parts of the world it is concedered ofennsive to offer your right hand when you shake someones hand
Abantiquo 7
Left. Right hand is for food, hand-shaking etc. important one to get ...right.
anniemeece 23
Honestly.. that's just really gross. D:
gc327072 31
Naw, completely sanitary.
perdix 31
He took a dump without giving you the option to give him a blumpkin? What has become of manners these days?!?!
dieselwrench4 4
simply just gross...
MNBOY16 15
That's nasty. I bet if you did that to me, it wouldn't happen!
DocBastard 40
Why is that exactly? Because no girl has ever grabbed your ass before? Seriously, I'm sure you're the studliest stud that ever was a stud and that women drop their pants at the mere sight of you, but give it a rest, dude.
perdix 31
#27, I don't think bragging that you can successfully wipe your ass will really attract the ladies. They kind of ASSume that you can pull off that feat. I may be wrong, so good luck with that. Hey, ladies, MNBOY16 is an excellent ass-wiper -- does that make you horny?
tj5810 21
Doc, he might not wipe his ass... That's what I originally thought, and in that case... Yikes.
RedPillSucks 33
perdix, did you just call him an ass-wipe?