Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
designedlikedice 0
At least you weren't awake while the roach was crawling down your throat.
Sonalis 9
Ewwwwwwwww is all I can say. That must suck.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
ChelseaAnn08 0
Hmm...they say that you swallow an average of 2 spiders a year..........maybe the same applies to roaches?
lifezabytch 0
wow, that ******* sucks.
Talkative1 0
AHAHAHAHAHA The way you worded this made it all the more hilarious. FYL.
dmsheldon87 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU WIN! YOUR LIFE IS ******! oh man, i can always count on fml to make my day seem not so bad
cinnamania 3
That's hilarious.
TastelessAli 0
Oh man, foul. I'm sorry.
PredyJessica 0
dam dam dam..that sucks...but maybe u didn't eat the roach u don't know!..(I'm giving you hope!)
XxJaydaxX 3
That totally suck.. Irony- Their is a pest control ad as I type this. Haha WIth a roach on it.
buckweat420 0
ROFL, This is a classic. OMFG! Who said you cant kill roaches?
iFruit 0
Up your bahooshkanana.