Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML
Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML
Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of "Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind." FML
Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML
Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year-old. FML
Today, after giving my husband a ton of crap about the speeding ticket he got last year, I got a speeding ticket. FML
Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML
Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML
Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML
Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Vigilante justice from the muffin man.
perdix 31
Thank you for supporting law enforcement and public safety. Fines don't change speeders' behavior very much, but being pelted with foul-tasting baked goods is a sure cure of the lead foot.
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Comments (81)
memo619 0
at least they're being put to good use
AbyoErui 0
Those probably weren't the muffins he was asking for.
irokyoursox 6
make better muffins
sourgirl101 29
Haha, he's tired of your muffin! I've thrown things at crazy drivers too. Mostly loose pennies. Money worth every cent!
Zmeilerr 22
Q! go to your room! You know throwing money at cars is a no no!
sourgirl101 29
But Z! What am I suppose to do when I'm on the back of my husband's motorcycle and these crazy South Miami drivers don't see us? Once someone tries to run "you" over because they're not paying attention, you'll have a hand full of coins ready too!(:
mpk_fml 0
Amen!
footballGOD58 0
I always thought it was Dairy Lane (-.-)
bbm0731 0
I have to try that:D
sophie_ocean 0
That's a way to say 'you suck at cooking darling'
Person1233 13
I thought it was Dreary Lane, because the muffin man is a sad son of a bitch.
RedPillSucks 33
1. Bake better muffins 2. Find a husband with a mental age > 13 3. ???? 4. Profit!
ideasrule 13
Plenty of people here are around 13, including myself. Please don't insult 13-year-olds like that, because throwing muffins at speeding cars is NOT characteristic of this age group.
HamsteronA 0
I completely agree. Also, I think step 3 has something to do with underwear gnomes.
mikuxxhatsune 32
#40 is the reason why 13 year olds are classified as immature. Please read the comment properly.
Acousticpixie14 6
1) Your husband is a jerk. 2) That is SO dangerous! 3) He should be man enough to just let you know that he doesn't like them. There's a nice way to say such a thing. I don't know about every woman in the world, but if I was told that my cooking wasn't what I thought it was, I'd be a little butthurt, but I wouldn't be mad at whoever told me. I'd simply try and fix it and be grateful that I didn't continue making something that nobody liked.
punkrocker250 0
this is why the all break up with you lighten up and have fun
Acousticpixie14 6
I am perfectly capable of having fun without risking someone being in a car wreck. No one would break up with me for not approving of them throwing muffins at cars. because I would not be caught dead dating someone with a such a low maturity level.
weetbixkid 1
woah lighten up
4bidden 0
well said #47
Acousticpixie14 6
Thank you #62 Aaaand no I don't need to lighten up. You just need to grow up [:
weetbixkid 1
I feel sorry for you
Zayna_604 0
62's picture made me smile. ;)
hatemeorkillme 4
Your info is f-ing hilarious