Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML
Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
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Top comments
Revan501 15
That guy is an asshole.
txgirl2013 14
Unplug it, move it next to his desk and do the same thing and see how he likes it.
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Comments (69)
BlackPhenom 9
Confront him about that. That is gross and no one needs to go through that every day.
asdfghjklana 9
His teeth are gonna stain!
poccocurantes 7
Kenya? Maybe he is a coffee taster on the side and it's just habit.
saffy66 34
Tell him it's off-putting, and ask him to move away. If he doesn't, then complain to management.
panicsdisaster 17
Time to speak up buddy.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Well then you have no choice, time to sabotage the offending machine and/or teach Sir Dumbass to drink through a straw in the parking lot across the street.
TheAbstract 15
I just posted a comment using the exact same name without even knowing that you used it.. Thought you ought to know.
buckdharma 38
Make a cell phone video of your antagonist in action. send it to all your co workers and create a caption contest with weekly winners. When "Chock full o'nuts" decides to put on another show, you announce,"he's at it again."
chuckcloninger 12
Move. It or you. Whichever is easiest.
chuckcloninger 12
New thought. Videotape it and show it to him. If he just laughs (and he will most likely) then take the video to to your boss. Nothing like show and tell for the boss, eh?