Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML
Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
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Top comments
Revan501 15
That guy is an asshole.
txgirl2013 14
Unplug it, move it next to his desk and do the same thing and see how he likes it.
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Comments (69)
Fmylab 8
OP: Most other posters think you should confront him, tell the boss, or put him on YouTube. All those approaches could get you in trouble without teaching him anything. Since he's obviously a dumb animal, train him like one. Just before one of his usual coffee breaks, rub the inside of the coffee maker with a ghost chili or similarly hot pepper. Wear gloves unless you want to suffer also. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.
Satoaoi 13
or just kick him in the balls and make him spit that shit on himself. bet he won't do it anymore
JRLovecraft 6
Aw **** that's nasty. Maybe ask them to move the coffee pot?
awaydoggy 8
if i were u i would turn around and throw up on him every single time
JanisEvans 10
You might rather ask yourself why the management considers your work so irrelevant, they'd put the coffee machine next to it. In combination with that weirdo co-worker it seems like they're trying to get you to quit.
lilprincipessa 11
Yuck! I would probably throw up if I saw that!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Just move it elsewhere. And if somebody tries to put it back there RAISE HELL like Run-DMC!
kendallw13 15
everyone, let's just take a moment to look at the author's name
Gixie 25
That's really bad for your teeth.
dr_snow_bear 29
First world problems.... oh, wait.....