Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my son spilled his milk at the table. My wife got in his face and screamed that he took her body, her career, her friends, and her life from her, then stormed out of the house. He won't stop wailing and crying, she won't answer her phone, and I'm completely shattered. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today I left my 8-week-old with my brother so I could return to work. His wife took all the breast milk I'd packed out of the fridge and poured it out. According to her, it was “gross” and she didn’t want it near her food. My son is allergic to formula. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, I found out that my ex let my son eat nothing but cereal and milk for every single meal during his five-day visit. Now my son shrieks, cries, and has a meltdown if I try to make him eat real food. My ex merely replied, "Your problem now." FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
There really needs to be a "so what" button. How is this FML? Your 4 year old is cute and innocent? Seriously, what the hell.
BeeSkwaird 0
"Son, you're too old! You don't see Daddy sucking on Mommy's breasts, do you?" "I'm sorry, Daddy; I was afraid of the dark the other night and—I thought...." "Oh...."
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Comments (83)
atishe24 9
Is it just me or is this FML a little awkward? :/
imhope 23
Kids are so cute lol
randybryant799 21
So just a thought. Instead of complaining on here maybe you should talk to your son and explain things to him.