Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my husband once again thought it would be funny to rage-bait our child during dinner. There was screaming, food being thrown around, and a whole lot of running around instead of eating. I already had a headache and was already overstimulated, so I had to fend off a meltdown. All this over chicken burgers. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML
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Top comments
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Technically, she wasn't lying.
limitedition 25
I'm sure the teacher had heard worse. Kids have a way of making things sound very bad.
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Comments (37)
c4rpi0 20
Atleast it doesn't seem like you're the one with the drinking problem haha sucks for your husband even tho he deserves it for being annoying especially in the morning
rg350dx 29
Who says you can't start the day with a tall cold... Glass of milk? Remember kids, drink your milk. You need that D in you...Vitamin of course.
jessica2128 9
At least she didn't see mommy drinking daddy's milk....
perdix 31
Great! Now you're going have the teacher popping in uninvited to your house at 7 am for Happy Hour. Spike her cocktail with Vagisil and she'll never come back ;)
funky2525 14
Sorry OP :( , that sounds bad but im sure if you explain to your daughters teacher it'll be fine!
Kylienne 5
Almost as immature as doing it on purpose to annoy your wife. I remember the shovel though, so good.
nightbirdblue 27
Isn't slurping to annoy your spouse just as immature?
DAN_THA_GR8 12
Kids , they say the darndest things
DeadlyFart 6
Kids are to naive
thatnucca 36
too*
samkit 14
Beer is liquid bread, so you were just drinking your toast.