Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML
Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML
Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML
Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, a new hire at my workplace, who is already on probation, yelled at me about filing an HR complaint about him. I had customers, who definitely heard. I've never filed a complaint. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML
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Top comments
untoldfame 3
a whistling dick huh? that could be quite the party trick.
WildClown 0
You're the dick. YDI.
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Comments (140)
zebrasocks 0
That's ******* gay.
TallMist 32
Um... What is gay, exactly? I see nothing in the FML involving same-sex romances. I mean, if you were talking about the manager whistling because they're happy, I guess gay works in that context, since gay also means happy.
Kaelon 0
YDI, You should of told him nicely to stop whistling, he didn't know you were getting annoyed.
kristina3514 0
I hate when people think the world needs to stop turning because they have a head ache. I get head aches all the time, but jesus why does the general population have to suffer for your head ache. Take a tylenol and buck up butter cup.
kateisbored 0
I hate unnecessary rudeness, good for him for canning you.
Llamaman12349 0
I don't want to see you when you have a headache... Or at all for that matter.
Decenhiemer 0
Impaciente mi amigo
hitherestranger 0
r-e-s-p-e-c-t GET SOME
McLaughlane 0
#66 ....haha yeah, I meant 60, not 61. My bad. ;)
MajorSilva 0
That really sucks for u
atomick 0
You just don't randomly call people a dick in a work environment PERIOD. Let alone doing it without knowing who's on the receiving end. You're a dipshit. You deserve it.