Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML
Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML
Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML
Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML
Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML
Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say, "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, a new hire at my workplace, who is already on probation, yelled at me about filing an HR complaint about him. I had customers, who definitely heard. I've never filed a complaint. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML
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Top comments
untoldfame 3
a whistling dick huh? that could be quite the party trick.
WildClown 0
You're the dick. YDI.
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Comments (140)
MajorSilva 0
I feel sry for u and u really didn't need to be put on probation because he would have probaly done the same thing. I would have
4690flowerz 0
You should've handled that differently :/
HaHa_Sux4_U 0
Y would u say that u could of easily said whoever is whistling please stop and u wouldn't be on probation
omgUkilledKENNY 0
For those of you who "said why would you choose to throw up in your handbag?". Screw you. She was drunk you ****** idiots! You don't think rationally when your drunk
boarder_140 0
LOL! Whata "dick" move!
gayman_fml 0
LOL! That's great! They make advil u know.
BeautyAndBrains 0
I totally feel your pain. Whistling is seriously annoying even if you don't have a headache, so it's even worse when you do.
cthulhu1138 1
Rather than snap after someone has been whistling for several minutes, you could always ask them to stop a bit earlier.
taylorchasewhite 0
#88 is ******* retarded. He commented on the wrong FML. Your a dumbass.
thereitgo 1
ahahaha idk why but i laughed out loud when i first read this and it's not even half as bad as some of the FMLs. i guess i just liked the wording and imagining him actually saying that randomly out loud. not gonna decide whether YDI or not on this one tho.