Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep, my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Next time, applaud and yell "Encore!"
TheCookieCrumb 0
Just in time for the big finale!
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Comments (121)
cocky 0
your mom sound sexy? I'll give you $5 for a recording.. not really. buhahaha.
JustSoLost 8
Ew. Thats just so gross. i wouild never want to hear my parents have sex. EWWWW . nasty.
BleedingAssassin 0
hey, did u ever stop to think that maybe ur mom gave dad a ******* before kissing you goodnight? well >.> now u did.
qazqwer313 0
That would be oh so nasty especially if she lied and said the shiny stu
ObamaKitttyy 0
ewww.
UnluckyAzn 0
This probably would become a repressed childhood memory.
Atoastyjew 0
I sadly also relate to this FML... But to OP that sucks
aback 5
So learn to beat off real loud. First time, scream your dog's name. But not after that, because they'll record it.
Ballafo 0
Paramore is a girlyass band with no skill. And their songs are three minutes your just some emo loser who won't know real rock(AC/DC, lynyrd skynyrd, metallica, the who, guns n roses,) if it smacked you in the face.
Darth_Taco 14
I still win! When I was 11 I walked in on my mom and step-dad about to have sex on my bed! I slept just as comfortably in that bed that night. Mostly because I had a feeling I would be doing something similar in the future :D. (I beat it a few months ago >:D!) Still, I'm so sorry xD. Next time stand outside their door and cheer for them after they finish. Show your dad you're proud of him for lasting so long :D! Then ask if you're getting a new little brother or sister xD.
Ballafo 0
Bohemian rhasphody is an amazing song too. Don't even try that. At least queen can play a frickin gutar solo.
waterynuggets 0
The OP + comments = ROFL!