Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
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Top comments
abNormal62 23
Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"
SweetSociopathy 24
Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.
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Comments (63)
zykrithium 22
Maybe you should put a "Bounty" on his head.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Bounty is a brand of paper towels; not toilet paper, so... about that!
BigC_from_Bama 16
hey, you gotta use what you gotta use.
Dgarcia2014 13
Well clearly he doesn't use anything!
Exaspera 55
I hope the skid marks led to a place far away.
SweetSociopathy 24
Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.
drshn 22
haha best one yet.
CyberHex 7
I agree. Your life sucks
EPIKxPANDA 13
Well technically he did wipe.. He just used your sheets instead.
noisyboy4000 23
What an asswipe
invadermaythe1st 35
Clearly not...
tormcn 26
Maybe he prefers cotton over cottonelle?
91hayek 31
One always gives a lot more credit to a guy when she is infatuated with him;. There are so many fmls about "man of my dreams" or "hottest guy" or "cute guy" or "guy I've had a crush on forever" who end up disappointing the girl terribly. So many pedal stools.
InnocenceBlue 38
You mean "pedestals", not pedal stools ?
MrsPegg 45
He's a man on the streets but a streak on the sheets.
leogachi 15
Holy shit. That joke is genius.
MrsPegg 45
Haha Thanks 32! 8^P
moo77_fml 20
Very funny!! Lol
FitFriday 32
Just keep telling yourself it really was just a dream